WTF is up?! – Super (moose) bowl, lip kit induced depression, and more



By Darby VanHoutan

This week is relevant. I only made 10 pots of coffee this week. I only fell asleep on the bus once. I didn’t post an embarrassing snapchat story (yet). Also, things are happening in the world. The world is your world. Get educated. Find out WTF is up.

Hello February

 First of all, happy February. February is a great month. It’s Valentine’s Day. Time to fill out the FAFSA. We’re one month closer to summer.  However, after being raised in a All American family, February means different things to me. It’s Black History month. My mom was never shy about reminding me about things like my carbon footprint, free education, and what months stand for. I later learned that lots of people have mixed feelings about this. Instead of waking up on February 1st and thinking “Ahhhhh, what a lovely February morning. I can’t wait until Valentine’s Day!” it was more like Rosa Parks-shaped waffles and my mom reminding me that thanks to Kent State University in 1969, it was Black History Month. Some people think taking the time to separate the month from others is just another form of racism. Others think it’s a way to acknowledge black history. Maybe others just want Rosa Parks-shaped waffles. Many celebrities have chimed in, including actors like Morgan Freeman, who interviewed with 60 Minutes last year calling the month “ridiculous” and arguing that “black history is American history.”

Get Political

On a more patriotic note, IT’S PRIMARY TIME! Get excited. Chug a Bud Light. Wear red, white, and blue. Do American things. Unless you don’t know what primaries are? If you’re a person who thinks “caucus” is just someone misspelling carcass, buckle up. Basically, every one of our 50 glorious states has to decide what republican and what democrat they want to vote for in the general election. It’s like getting on Jimmy John’s website and deciding what chips and what sandwich you want: both are equally as important and need some consideration.This process takes voters in all the districts of the states to get together and say who they want, (ya know, like barbecue chips maybe and a 6 inch sub). In summation, the winners of the primaries and caucuses determine who will be the party’s candidate in the general election. February 1st marked the first caucus of the 2016 presidential election, which took place in Iowa. I know what you’re thinking: “Where the hell is Iowa?” That isn’t necessary to know. What is necessary to know is that out of the bajillion (It’s actually 12 republicans and 3 democrats, but you get the picture) candidates running for president, a total of 4 dropped out after seeing the results.

I’ll give a quick recap. Let’s start with Republicans.. Basically, they’re all middle aged white men who love America and hate Obamacare. Ted Cruz won the republican nominee in Iowa with a total of 27.6% of the vote. In a close, and honestly surprising, second is Donald Trump with 24.3% of the vote.

Honestly, I wish I could let you know who won the democratic nominee in the Iowa caucus but no one knows WTF is up there. Technically, former U.S. secretary of state Hillary Clinton won with 49.9% of the vote. U.S. Vermont senator Bernie Sanders came in second with 49.6% of the votes. It’s all a little weird, and many districts decided the democratic winner with a COIN-FLIP! A coin-flip.

I understand when this stuff comes on you may have the sudden urge to change it to Keeping Up With The Kardashians or watch grass grow. This is important though. Get excited. Get involved. These are the people who are going to set your tuition and decide super important things like if you can smoke marijuana…legally.

SuperBowl 50

In more patriotic news, football things are happening. A super important showdown is happening at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, California on Sunday February 7. Some big important team (Denver Broncos) is playing another kind of  important team (Carolina Panthers), and us mortals have an excuse to drink a moose bowl at Bullwinkles. BONUS: It’s the 50th annual Super Bowl. Bonus moose bowl for the mortals. For those of you not into football, still maybe tune in. Remember Big Mike from The Blind Side? He’s the left tackle for the Carolina Panthers. That’s right. Cute. Goals. Adorable. Another moose bowl! Don’t forget to watch Coldplay play the Halftime show (the main reason we’re watching).

The Lip Kit is LIT

Finally, the most important update of all: Kylie Jenner added three new colors to her lip kit. According to Kylie Jenner’s Instagram post (@KylieJenner) the complete 6-shade line of lipsticks was“#comingsupersoon” and “#staytuned.” Fast forward one day. At the exact moment that Kylie Jenner posts an extremely important Instagram post announcing her new shipment is available for purchase online, I am at the Underground losing every ounce of chill I had. I nearly spit out my $5 cup of coffee from Reverie. I, with no regrets, log onto her website and try to buy every single one. Her entire line sold out in less than 30 seconds. Ouch, Kylie. I am staying tuned. I am definitely staying tuned. Until then I’ll just overline my lips with drugstore Maybelline lip stain.

Photo by Emma Creighton
Graphic by Hannah Pierangelo