Killer Croc Styles

9.19.2016

By Logan Gossett
It starts with the email account you made as a kid. The hieroglyphic remains of that emoticon email extension that was literally just a virus contaminates your sent folder; the inbox has been marinating for years in a buffet of expired digital food; your spam folder still laboriously filters out emails from sexy, totally real singles in your area. Buried deep in the annex of the spam folder, however, is a discount code for the dinosaur of footwear: Crocs.

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There’s strength in numbers, which, combined with the inherent strength of Crocs, makes for an unstoppable duo (Pro-tip: Wiggle into some Crocs to increase the likelihood of catching otherwise rare water-type Pokémon in Pokemon GO.) Photo by Nicholas Purcell. Modeled by Samuel Berridge and Blair Watson

For those who haven’t spelunked to the bottom of their spam folder, Crocs are the rubber sandal-flops that some kids wore to the pool, and other kids courageously wore everywhere. You might have overheard somebody’s mom fetishize them with, “It’s like walking on clouds!” For the most part this is true, but all of the clouds I’ve walked on were actually stale trampolines stuffed inside of a trash bag, so who knows. While podiatrists and people with eyes find them disagreeable (the most liked positive review of the iconic Classic model begins its five star review with, “Honestly, these shoes are horribly ugly,”) Crocs have curated a niche following and a signature style.

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The CrocPot (pictured above), pushes the paradigm of what fashion-conscious people – and people who wear Crocs – are capable of. Photo by Nicholas Purcell. Modeled by Samuel Berridge

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PunkCroc (pictued above) is a budding aesthetic that synthesizes the soothing, domesticated nature of punk with the countercultural fervor that Croc Classics are known for. Let’s Croc ‘n’ Roll! Photo by Nicholas Purcell. Modeled by Grace Macke

Nostradamus may have defeatedly sighed in his grave when Kim Kardashian endorsed Skechers, but he couldn’t sleep for weeks when he saw Prince George Croc-Crawling in 2015. I guess the saying proves true: you must learn to crawl before you can Croc! Behemoths of fashion Jack Nicholson and Jonah Hill illustrated that Crocs can be walked on with their signature elegance. Or, if you’d rather turn heads and break necks during a night out, Crocs’ Cyprus V Heels might be for you. With The Cyprus V Heels, Crocs did what they do best: compromise. They listened to their consumers and finally provided a way to go fishing without needing to swap out of high heels. Students at a Minnesota high school even danced on the Croc-Cloud for prom!

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Classes at KU can be overwhelming, much like life without Crocs. Next time you’re having a difficult day, throw on your Crocs Classics and pull up your joggers — an outfit that just screams, “I am currently wearing Crocs and having a difficult day.” Photo by Nicholas Purcell. Modeled by Samuel Berridge

After monetary tumult from 2006-2011, Crocs seem to have found their market since 2012. Things aren’t necessarily looking up. Things aren’t even looking sufficient. But Crocs are unquestionably alive, which is more than Nostradamus can say. Heck, Jeff Foxworthy hasn’t even done a “You know you wear Crocs when…” bit yet! When he does, cool kids will wear Crocs to the pool again, just like the good old days.

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Floating On — Crocs are a durable brand with durable tags. Photo by Nicholas Purcell

Peer into the singularity of your spam folder and you’ll see Crocs peering back. Sure, seeing Crocs is like being enveloped in latex while suffering from a latex allergy, except on the soul. And while the soul may survive after death, few souls have seen an afterlife after seeing Crocs. But Crocs’ most successful days may very well be ahead. Bruce Wayne was a nobody/billionaire before he put on his Bat-mask; Air Jordans didn’t exist until Michael Jordan did. Only time will tell if Yeezy will be renewed for another season, or if Croc reruns are gaining momentum right around the corner.

 

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