By Logan Gossett
The intrigue is gone. Walking to class is a burden. Class A’s room is going to be suffocatingly warm. Class B is a 50 minute class that goes 50 minutes too long. Class C is a type of motorhome. Class D is too easy and class E is too difficult. And I couldn’t think of anything to say about class F, so let’s assume it’s okay. With the exception of the hypothetical class F, all of the above are thoughts of someone ailing from the second week slump.
The second week slump, or SWS as I just arbitrarily decided to abbreviate it, is a malady that plagues college students entering their second week of classes. Syllabus week won’t prepare students for the gauntlet of the following semester of stress, and the most notable victim of the post-syllabus week life isn’t grades or mental stability: it’s the quality of outfits.
Laundry has to get done at some point and, when it inevitably doesn’t get done, students end up dressing like every day is laundry day. That mysterious orange stain may objectively ruin the beige top that matches with everything, but sometimes the stain’s obscured by denial, so that helps. For the most part everyone’s already made an impression on one another, so solemnly walking into class wearing a hotel bathrobe to open week two feels mostly harmless anyway.
To paraphrase an amateur life coach, everyone is thinking about themselves too much to judge people as viscerally as people judge themselves. That being said, everyone probably notices the mysterious orange stain loitering on that dynamic beige shirt. And everybody better notice those spotless triple white Adidas Ultraboosts (I’m not paraphrasing life coaches anymore; I just really love my Ultraboosts.) SWS can’t be cured. SWS doesn’t have a single remedy. Nonetheless, those who suffer from SWS have two options:
- Domesticate the madness. Put a leash on it. Name it Fido and take it for regular walks — do what has to be done to acclimate to the madness of life after the first week of classes. Once a routine is established, it becomes much easier to process the mayhem. Laundry would probably be a good place to start.
- Suffer from SWS for the next 17 weeks, which kind of ruins the name “Second Week Slump.” A two semester slump can be miserable, so it’s worth trying the first option before perma-slumping. As the old adage goes, “the squeaky wheel gets the oil,” whatever that means. Just assume you’re a squeaky wheel and get some oil.
Fortunately Style on the Hill is here to help assuage the second week slump! We’ve prepared a playlist that’s sure to be the oil to your squeaky wheel.