Heard on the Hill



  • Girl: “What’s Late Night and why do I care?”
    Guy: “You really don’t know what Late Night is?”
    Girl: “Is it a Christian thing? Because I don’t need that thrown at me.”
  • “I was raised on white bread and passive aggression.”
  • “Wait. So you mean to tell me Andrew Wiggins doesn’t play here anymore?”
    “Dude. Where have you been?”
  • ​”I just want a sandwich without the bread.”
    “You mean a salad?”
  • “Whenever I meet new people I always blackout for the .5 seconds they’re telling me their name.”
  • “We’ve turned competitive cooking shows on Food Network into drinking games, and that’s how I know my life is in a downward spiral.”
  • Boy: “That girl is so sexy. I’d hook up with her.”
    Girl: “I’d hook up with her too.”
  • “I’m actually from Michigan.”
    “Oh is that in Wisconsin?”
  • “We’re ubering—I don’t walk.”
  • “Do you think people can tell I’m only at the gym to look at hot guys?”