Heard on the Hill



  • “I put a bunch of shit from the fridge in a pan and called it a surprise dinner for my friends. Two of them threw up.”
  • “The other day I was thinking about what it would be like to be a trophy husband. I would probably just dick around all day at the house and then get a personal trainer.”
  • “There I was, stuck in the Port-a-Potty in the park with nothing to wipe my ass with but sheets of notebook paper from my backpack.” ​
  • “Can we get 30 shots of whatever?”
  • (At Mrs. E’s Dining Hall) “KU has money for all this construction but still feeds us chicken fingers every day.”
  • “Mom, I’m in the bathroom…Can I call you back?… No…I didn’t sleep with him.”
  • “Are they trying to make us guess if they have pants on?”
  • “After she let her bare feet touch the floor in the Boom Boom Room, I wanted to call her and tell her to go to the doctor’s and get a shot.”
  • “The person you’re boinking at 21 isn’t probably going to be the same person you’re boinking at 85.”
  • Guy: “The first song played on KJHK was The Star Spangled Banner.”
    Friend: “Ew, that’s so Republican.”
    Guy: “That’s the best compliment you could have given us.”