Heard on the Hill



  • “So my laptop and phone screens both decided to die in the same week. They can’t even make it to graduation either.”
  • “I know this is a professional event but I think I’m going to pregame anyway.”
  • “My tinder boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn’t send him nudies.”
  • “I’ve started taking personal days every Tuesday.”
  • Professor: “Coffee does help on the exam. Go for the brand that makes you hallucinate.”
  • “You have to fail at least 1 final in order to fully appreciate summer.”
  • “I literally had my debit card declined when I was trying to buy chocolate milk.”
  • “You know how siblings steal each other’s shit? Well you’re like a sibling, so I’m ‘borrowing’ one of your jerseys.”
  • “How do you decide if you’re tipsy or drunk? Is it how much rice you can eat?”
  • “The only good thing about finals coming up is the puppies at Anschutz.”
  • “I can’t believe I got drunk enough last night to take my sticky boobs off in the bar.”
  • “She was trying to have sex with me on the Tonic dance floor, I swear.”
  • Girl 1: “Prince died today.”
    Girl 2: “Wait! No! I’m from Minnesota, this is big!”