Heard on the Hill



  • “My roommate got a stripper pole, it’s really cute, but it’s hard.”
  • “Every weekend is a near death experience for me, I either wind up under a bush or in a tree.”
  • “There is always a fine line between something being reasonable and something being insane. I like to think I dance that line with the enchanted grace of a gazelle.”
  • Girl 1: “Did you guys hear about the new smart wall in the business school? It was a million dollars.”
    Girl 2: “Guess that’s where my tuition is going.”
  • “I got my security clearance for the White House, which I guess means that I’m not a security threat to the president of the United States. I should put that on my resume and maybe, then, I’ll finally get a job.”
  • ​”Just ordered Pickleman’s and Jimmy John’s. Whoever gets here faster gets this $5 tip.”
  • “Bury me with this outfit that I am wearing right now if I die today because I look cute as shit.”
  • “What’s the best way to tell your roommate you hate them?”
  • “What do his parents look like? Are they also potatoes?”
  • “This song fucks me up.”
  • “Sometimes you meet someone in a class and it’s like, ‘Wow, you’re such a cool person, we connect so well… But if you fuck up this group project, you’re dead to me.'”