Heard on the Hill



  • ​”Steak and Shake was a better decision than hooking up last night.”
  • “I just found out my dog is 5 pounds overweight. Now I’ll probably have fat children and a fat husband too. I’ll just have a reality show called ‘My Fat Life.'”
  • Girl: “Do you think you’ll get married after you graduate?”
    Friend: “Absolutely not, but he’s a great lay for senior year.”
  • Girl 1:”Does he like, say words?”
    Girl 2: “Yeah, I think he does, but he just doesn’t know a lot of them.”
  • ​”Animal crackers are weird because it’s like are they sweet or savory?”
  • “I just cried to my dad on the phone for hours because he keeps asking me what I’m doing after graduation.”
  • “Anthony Bourdain. That man could write a novel about a flip flop and I would read it.”
  • Girl: “I don’t want to gross you out, but I was totally throwing up all morning.”
  • “I’ve been thinking I should share something controversial on Facebook soon.”
  • Professor: “How many of you travel?”
    *Nobody raises their hand*
     Professor: “You guys don’t travel? What’s wrong with you guys?”
     Student: “Um, we’re broke college kids struggling to pay rent.”