Heard on the Hill



  • Girl: “Don’t let me do anything stupid in Vegas this weekend.”
    Friend: “Define ‘stupid.'”
    Girl: “Like, don’t let me make out with anyone. At max, heavy groping.”
  • “My family keeps asking me what I’m going to do with my life and, you know, I really just haven’t been able to give them an answer. It’s been years.”
  • Girl 1: “I don’t think I filed my taxes.”
    Girl 2: “You’re parents probably did.”
    Girl 1: “Good, I’m not made for prison.”
  • “I just killed all the fucking spiders. You don’t want to fuck with me right now.”​
  • Girl: “In 2011, I won prom queen and had the most volunteer hours and read every Harry Potter book.”
    Friend: “God I would have hated you in high school.”
  • “Man, it’s hard being ugly.”
  • “I made my best Jim Halpert face at an imaginary camera when I saw her walk into the class.”
  • Guy #1: “Ready to kill arms today?”
    Guy #2: “Hell yeah bro, the curl room’s callin’ our name!”
  • “Yeah I didn’t go to bible study last night because Scandal was on….priorities…I’ll probably go to Hell because of it.”
  • Girl: “How was class today?”
    Guy: “I had a pretty solid class today; I got two girls’ numbers so I’d say it went well.”