Heard at the Table: Thanksgiving Edition

11.25.2016

monica-en-dinde-de-thanksgiving

  • “I always feel like a young Monica Lewinsky whenever I smoke swishers.”
  • “You were definitely the worst growing up, mom and dad agree with me.”
  • “All I need is Jesus Christ and Miller Lite.”
  • “You just put a straw down to the bottom with your finger over the end sticking out and take your finger off after you start chugging.”
  • “Who’s going to shotgun a beer with me?”
  • “Why don’t you shut up for once and just pass me the rolls.”
  • “I don’t think I’m evil enough to be a Slytherin, but I’m also not annoying enough to be a Hufflepuff.”
  • Cousin 1: “What are Aquarius?”
  • Cousin 2: “Liars, cold-hearted people.”
  • 6-year-old: “My dad called the cops on my mom. There’re taking it straight back to court.”
  • “Who taught Elias gang signs?”
  • “Everyone loves a pumpkin roll, no one loves Mark.”
  • “So, who did you vote for?”
  • “We heard the word election and ran for our lives.”
  • Person 1: “I couldn’t talk, I was so choked up listening to the Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack.”
  • Person 2: “Are you pregnant?”

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