Entries Tagged as 'Life on the Hill'

WTF Is Up?! – Some Twins, Some Confirmation Hearings & More!



By Darby VanHoutan

The theme of the year seems to either be fake news or breaking news, but either way there’s news! Yeah, yeah, yeah you all have your own interests but let me nerd out about the ~news~ and better yet, deliver it here to you. WTF happened this week?

‘Yonce Delivers Blessings

There are a few instances in a person’s life that they will remember where they were at the exact moment they learned about a situation. I was sitting at the Underground chugging my sixth cup of coffee for the day the first time I heard Beyonce Knowles was pregnant with twins.
The news was delivered to me the same way I assume it was delivered to many others, via Beyonce’s Instagram announcement on Wednesday. The photo has received a record-breaking 8.9 million likes so far. The 35-year-old has since also released some ~life-changing~ maternity photos on her website, many featuring Beyonce and Jay-Z’s only other child, Blue Ivy.

Houston – We have a Secretary of State

It’s proving to be more manageable to keep up with the Kardashians than it is to keep up with President Trump. The president, who seems to be fulfilling campaign promises and breaking news every day, produces quite a bit to keep up on. One thing in particular happened for Trump this week, within his cabinet to be more specific.

The US Senate approved Trump’s pick for Secretary of State with a vote of 56-43. The pick is former chief executive and chairman of Exxon Mobil Rex Tillerson. An interesting thing to note: the number of votes against Tillerson is the highest against a Secretary of State pick in US History.

A little background on Tillerson: he’s 65 years old, hails from Texas and well, used to be in charge of the mega-company Exxon Mobil.

Thanks Obama

There are few people who are relaxed as former President Barack Obama right now. Or at least, there are few people who LOOK as relaxed as Obama does right now. First, Obama ventured to Palm Springs, California with the entire family. This vacay followed President Trump’s inauguration which officially relieved Obama of his duties.

This meant that Obama, luckily for us, could be a ~gangsta~ again. After his California get-away, former Commander-In-Chief headed off to the British Virgin Islands with wife Michelle. It was here that a twitter video shows him sporting a backward baseball cap and just…chilling. I personally hope this trend continues as the former First Family returns back to their new digs in Washington D.C.

“You’re Fired” – Catchphrase in Action

Unfortunately, news of a relaxed previous president must be interrupted with our regularly scheduled programing. In more President Trump news, the acting Attorney General, Sally Yates, was fired by Trump on Monday night.

The firing came after Yates, who had served as Attorney General under Obama, announced that the Justice Department would not uphold and defend President Trump’s immigration ban. The blow to Yates was delivered to her in her office on Monday evening in the form of a handwritten note.

Sean Spicer, Trump’s press secretary, then did a lil’ bit of lashing out at former Attorney General Yates who then, I assume, just continued on to ~boss~ things. The president replaced Yates with US attorney Dana Boente for the time being.

Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • Person 1: “You can do anything you want in this world.”
  • Person 2: “Except get paid as much as a man.”
  • “That gas station had no Cheetos. It’s basically an INconvenience store.”
  • “I told my mom I was gonna smoke crack. That way she won’t be as mad if I get caught for weed.”
  • “Don’t pee on me! Don’t!”
  • “I think she’s pregnant but hey at least I got laid.”
  • “I brought my Sprite bottle up with me, so there I was, sipping lean during my presentation.”
  • “Have you seen these? It’s Naked with 90mg’s of bananas.”
  • “He’s great but I hate that we can’t hold hands because of his arm diplegia.”
  • “I thought she was cool and then she posted a flipagram to insta.”
  • “My New Year’s resolutions are to be more straight up with people, eat healthier, and start getting fucked up at the pregame so I don’t have to spend money on drinks at the bars.”

10 Reasons Why the KU Memorial Union Has the Best Restrooms On Campus


By Logan Gossett


It doesn’t matter if you’re politically left-wing, right-wing, or libertarian-wing: everyone uses the restroom-thing. The census opinion is that restrooms are at least a “lawful neutral” on the alignment chart.

Restrooms are especially useful for KU students, and the most useful restrooms on campus can be found at the KU Memorial Union.

“What makes the KU Memorial Union’s restrooms so great?”, you might have asked (If you did, good question! That sense of childlike wonder will take you a long way.)

Here are just a few reasons why the KU Memorial Union provides the best restroom experience on campus.

  1. They Force You To Get Creative: Who hasn’t experienced this? You go to your nearest restroom to purge your tumultuous intestines and ALL of the stalls are occupied. At KU’s Memorial Union, the men’s fourth floor restroom supports four poopers at once — not a whole lot! Now you have to think outside of the stall. One creative idea for men is to employ the urinal. Clean your no-no area by angling your bumhole upward toward the espousing water that fountains down when you flush the urinal, like using a bidet at a 220 degree incline.
  2. The KU Memorial Union’s Single-Ply Toilet Paper Prevents Disease: Premium toilet paper is soothing and comfortable, which presents the temptation to rub it on your face after wiping. Gross! The KU Memorial Union mitigates this temptation by using single-ply toilet paper, which is harrowingly painful to the touch.
  3. The KU Memorial Union’s Single-Ply Toilet Paper Makes For A Neat DIY Snapchat Filter: Do you find Snapchat’s current filter lineup to be tiresome? Spice things up by draping a sheet of single-ply toilet paper over the camera lens before taking a stall selfie! The sheer, almost transparent toilet paper presents a charming sheen that’s sure to impress your friends (or lover). This filter appeals to the purists, and pays homage to the filters used by your ancestors.  
  4. The KU Memorial Union’s Single-Ply Toilet Paper Can Lead to the Early Prevention of Prostate Cancer: For the men on campus, single-ply toilet paper presents a convenient way to inadvertently check your prostate. When the 10% opacity sheet of single-ply toilet paper you’re using inevitably breaks, your finger will poke through and reach your prostate. While this may seem like an unwelcome mess for some folks, the reassurance of examining your unsuspecting prostate makes it well worth it!
  5. Pre-Wiping: Some students don’t want to roll the dice just for it to yield four occupied stalls. A few considerate, innovative students have began “pre-wiping,” whether it be at home or during a slow day in class. This cost-effective tactic, inspired by the Memorial Union’s single-ply toilet paper, saves scarce toilet time and keeps your hands away from your messy dookie parts!
  6. The 5th Floor Restrooms Promote Community Bonding: The KU Memorial Union’s 5th floor restrooms have long been one of KU’s hidden gems. Upon entering the men’s room, you can opt for the left side or the right side stalls/urinals/sinks. Upon securing a stall, you join a communal experience that rivals a KU basketball game or viewing a movie’s midnight release. You and your fellow left or right side companions duel against the opposing side in a battle of bumhole bombast.
    “I walked into the 5th floor stalls scared and alone, but I left with one thought: ‘This is where I belong,’” said one junior at KU. “That’s really what attending KU is all about.”
  7. Impressively Responsive Automatic Soap Dispensers: Similar to cooking and copulation, the worst part about visiting a restroom is the cleanup period. Fortunately, the KU Memorial Union’s soap dispensers are highly responsive and eager to assist you in the cleanup. Oftentimes these eager soap squirters volley soap toward you more uproariously and unexpectedly than an uncle’s sneeze! Their read-distance is approximately 10 feet — perfect for expediting the dreaded hand-washing phase of a restroom safari.
  8. It’s Entirely Possible That the Narrow 4th Floor Restroom Doorways Are a Good Thing Somehow: Sure, the narrow corridor leading to the Memorial Union’s easternmost 4th floor restrooms can make for some uncomfortably intimate contact with fellow restroom users. But pressing your body against the wall to make room for people entering the restroom doesn’t have to be all bad. Sometimes it’s only some bad! Studies have probably shown that close-quarters doorways have an off-chance of having some sort of somewhat positive social effect or something. Who knows, really?
  9. Automatic Flushing: While automatically flushing toilets are common on KU’s campus, the Memorial Union’s toilets are especially adept at the art.
    “I was just sitting on the toilet browsing Reddit,” a freshman at KU said. “When all of a sudden the waste I emitted was gone. A little splashback was left on my [bottom], but that was okay. I like to think of it as a souvenir. (laughs to the point of tears, which was kind of unsettling).”

The Memorial Union’s Restrooms Are a Safe Place: Nothing’s worse than entering a stall only to be assaulted by stall art, which often includes profanity! Yikes!
Once again, KU’s Memorial Union leads the charge to provide an accommodating environment for students of all majors, sexual orientations, and ethnicities. The beaded and glossy texture of the Memorial Union’s stalls prevents monsters from scribbling anything offensive.
Restrooms are supposed to be a bastion of cleanliness. Desecrating the place where people void their bowels with hate speech is wrong. The last place vandals should target is the restroom — where the bacteria-laden refuse of the human body is expunged. How can people possibly excrete the foul fumes of one’s intestines with disgusting images on the walls?

Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • “I hate philosophy. Apparently, I might not be real. God might not even be real.”
  • “You look like the kind of kid to be deadly allergic to peanuts.”
  • “Does W come before R in the alphabet?”
  • Person 1: “When I’m high, I can tell which lines in reality shows are scripted.”
  • Person 2: “That’s like the worst super power ever.”
  • “I took so many damn chicken tenders, like I filled my bag up.”
  • “Imagine if cotton candy had nipples and you mixed it, that’s what this strawberry milkshake tastes like.”
  • “The guy next to me smells like cheese, Gouda.”
  • “Why are you studying for that final? You already took it!”
  • “Damn! That boy is serious if he took you to the Cheesecake Factory!”
  • “Why do I have to get a turtle for your success?”

Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • “I have all break to grade your research papers and cry.”
  • “I just, like, relate to the Grinch on such a personal level.”
  • “My liver seriously hates me right now.”
  • “Ugh, if I ever meet Charlie Brown I might cry.”
  • “I though Queen Latifah and Whoopi Goldberg were the same person.”
  • “He is a practiced, licensed piece of shit.”
  • “What’s a dance party if you don’t throw up pizza?”
  • “He always looks like he did a face swap with a worse version of himself.”
  • “Which is more lit? Anschutz during finals week or the Hawk on dollar night?”
  • “A guy with 3 Mountain Dews and longboard just walked past me, why aren’t we dating?”

WTF Happened in 2016?!



By Darby VanHoutan

I remember waking up 364 days ago and thinking “this is my year”. SPOILER ALERT: I was astonishingly incorrect. I face planted more times than I can count, slept through an embarrassing amount of classes and worst of all – Brad and Angelina broke up.

It’s almost painful to look back on the year we’ve had but I assure you it’s amusing. Of course the year 2016 is not to blame for the L’s the world took because many of them were our own doing. However, it would be nice in the future to have at least as many W’s. Here’s a short list providing only an overview of WTF happened this year.

  1. Actress, Author and spokesperson for mental illness Carrie Fisher died.
  2. Ohio State University suffered a school attack.
  3. John Legend and Chrissy Teigen had baby Luna.
  4. Beyonce gave the world the visual album LEMONADE.
  5. Leonardo DiCaprio won his first ~freakin’~ Oscar.
  6. Ryan Lochte colored his hair blonde.
  7. Ryan Lochte colored his hair back to brown.
  8. Netflix gave us Stranger Things.
  9. Britain voted to leave the European Union.
  10. The United States elected Donald. Trump. As. President.
  11. The United States literally elected Donald Trump as president.
  12. Apple released iPhone 7 and 7 Plus.
  13. Prince died.
  14. Drake and Rihanna got together.
  15. Drake and Rihanna broke up.
  16. 49 people were killed at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida.
  17. Drake #blessed us with Views.
  18. The Chicago Cubs won the baseball World Series
  19. Kylie Jenner launched Kylie Jenner Cosmetics
  20. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
  21. Ashley Graham was the first plus sized model on a Sport’s Illustrated cover
  22. Christina Grimmie was shot and killed in Florida
  23. James Charles was first male makeup model for Covergirl
  24. Hurricane Matthew struck Florida
  25. Lady Gaga gave us Joanne
  26. A toddler was eaten by an alligator in Florida
  27. Beloved gorilla Harambe was killed
  28. Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian had baby Dream
  29. Simone Biles ~killed~ the Rio Olympics
  30. Unemployment is at the lowest levels since the Recession
  31. Finding Dory

Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • “We didn’t need female ghostbusters; we didn’t even need Bill Murray.”
  • Person 1: “I hate tomatoes, I wouldn’t eat a tomato for $5.”
  • Person 2: “Really? I would eat a cat for $5.”
  • Person 3: “Not gonna lie, I would too.”
  • “He is just more Korean than you are.”
  • “I’d do cocaine over acid any day.”
  • “It’s not poop, it’s just like, butt juice.”
  • “I love it when my friends provide for me.”
  • “Your final is at 7.30 AM because God hates you.”
  • “Honestly, if you are really dating I actually expect to see your girlfriend on your snapchat story.”
  • “She has the same body as the dude from Despicable Me.”
  • Person 1: “Last night I was actually watching videos on what humans taste like.”
  • Person 2: “And?”
  • Person 1: “Apparently, the meat is similar to veal.”

WTF Is Up?! – A Gaga Performance, New VS Angels, and more!



By Darby VanHoutan

There’s nothing quite like the pain and damage of hell week. The light in professors’ eyes as they deliver you a test one week before a cumulative 12-page final is truly breathtaking. GOOD NEWS: There’s only two more weeks and then we’re all free. That doesn’t mean you get a pass on being informed, of course. Here’s just a few things to fill you in on WTF happened this week!


A student named Abdul Razak Ali Artan carried out an attack at Ohio State University on Monday. It all began at the Ohio State campus in Columbus, when Artan rammed his car into a group of students. He then left his car and charged at multiple other students with knives. This was as far as he got before he was shot and killed by an Ohio State police officer.

In total, 11 people were injured and hospitalized after the incident. The only evidence so far besides things left at the crime scene were Facebook posts by Artan sent just a few hours before the attack. It was through these that he expressed anger towards people treating his Muslim peers poorly. “By Allah, we will not let you sleep unless you give peace to the Muslims. You will not celebrate or enjoy any holiday” read one of Artan’s posts.

Arguably, the Ohio State University President Michael V. Drake put it best at his press conference Monday afternoon, where he urged his students to not jump to conclusions and believe it was terrorism or point fingers at other students. “What we want to do is really unify together and support each other; do our best to support those who were injured in their recovery”, said Drake.

A Love-Filled Gaga Performance

I have another reason for you to love Lady Gaga (though I believe you should already have at least 107 reasons to love her). The performer made a surprise visit to the Ali Forney Center in Brooklyn this past Black Friday. Who needs new thigh-high-leather-boots when you support the nation’s youth, right?

This performance by Gaga is so badass in particular because the Ali Forney Center is a housing center for LGBT youth, many of whom were kicked out of their homes for simply being themselves, in New York. While there, Gaga meditated with the entire group and performed an acoustic cover of her song “Million Reasons”. Of course, Gaga didn’t do it so that big news platforms would shower her in adoration, she did it because the young people living at the Ali Forney Center deserve to see her performances as much as anyone else and they’re probably chill AF to meditate with.

Tomi Lahren Gets Told

Tomi Lahren. You know her. She’s the angry, blonde, young woman who is always yelling about the liberal agenda on your Facebook page. I have many motivations to appreciate her being dragged on national television, some more important than others. Regardless, the young online talk show host appeared on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah this past Wednesday.

For background, Tomi Lahren is the 24-year-old host of the show Final Thoughts on the conservative network TheBlaze. The videos are most commonly shared on Facebook with one of Lahren’s most popular being her three and half minute video (on professional football player Colin Kaepernick’s peaceful protest of the National Anthem) which was viewed 66 million times.

On The Daily Show, host Trevor Noah spent a staggering fourteen minutes interviewing Lahren, presumably trying to get a better grasp on WTF is going on inside her head. Noah began with asking Lahren why she’s so angry and continued with questions on her hatred of the Black Lives Matter movement, president-elect Donald Trump and more. Noah was level headed and delivered pointed (yet angsty) questions and Lahren was…passionate.

Some of my favorite comments were when Lahren said “I’m a Millennial so I don’t like labels…”. It was directly after this remark that, hopefully along with many other viewers, Noah realized what she said didn’t make sense and informed of the contradiction by saying “Sorry. My brain. You just gave a label to say you don’t like labels”. Along with this came Lahren said she “doesn’t see color”, thinks Trump is level headed and many other things you’ll likely hear again from your drunk uncle on Christmas.

Your Model BFFs Got Their Wings

If a bell rings every time an angel gets their wings, then Paris must have been ~lit~ this past Wednesday. Victoria’s Secret hosted their annual fashion show in Paris, France for the first time and events ensued.

The 40-minute show was separated into six themes: Road Ahead, Mountain Romance, Pink Nation, Secret Angel, Dark Angel and Bright Night Angel. It included performers by Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars and The Weeknd (ex-boyfriend of first time VS model Bella Hadid). Oh, and speaking of the sparkling gene pool that is the Hadid’s, both Gigi and Bella strutted the VS runway and were adorned with wings along with fellow model and friend Kendall Jenner. Other models present included Karlie Kloss, Adriana Lima, Lily Aldridge, Taylor Hill and many more.

The entire evening was documented via models’ Instagrams and Snapchats, BUT the best news is that you can see it all for yourself on December 5 when it airs on CBS.

Heard at the Table: Thanksgiving Edition



  • “I always feel like a young Monica Lewinsky whenever I smoke swishers.”
  • “You were definitely the worst growing up, mom and dad agree with me.”
  • “All I need is Jesus Christ and Miller Lite.”
  • “You just put a straw down to the bottom with your finger over the end sticking out and take your finger off after you start chugging.”
  • “Who’s going to shotgun a beer with me?”
  • “Why don’t you shut up for once and just pass me the rolls.”
  • “I don’t think I’m evil enough to be a Slytherin, but I’m also not annoying enough to be a Hufflepuff.”
  • Cousin 1: “What are Aquarius?”
  • Cousin 2: “Liars, cold-hearted people.”
  • 6-year-old: “My dad called the cops on my mom. There’re taking it straight back to court.”
  • “Who taught Elias gang signs?”
  • “Everyone loves a pumpkin roll, no one loves Mark.”
  • “So, who did you vote for?”
  • “We heard the word election and ran for our lives.”
  • Person 1: “I couldn’t talk, I was so choked up listening to the Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack.”
  • Person 2: “Are you pregnant?”

Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • “It’s the holiday season, of course I’m lit.”
  • Person 1: “I seriously have no time, I have to give up eating or sleeping.”
  • Person 2: “Because God knows you aren’t going to give up your knitting.”
  • “You don’t enjoy McDonald’s fries, you eat them until you hate yourself.”

  • “I don’t know how to say this, but you’re racist.”
  • “Fuck Marry Kill: Yoda, Jar Jar Binks, Anakin Skywalker with no legs.”
  • “Hufflepuff is the K State of the Hogwarts houses.”
  • “The harp if by far the hottest instrument.
  • *In reference to a puppy*
  • Person 1: “Why are you getting rid of him?
  • Person 2: “Oh, my 5-year-old daughter was just doing too much with him.”
  • “So, do you like have to chase the turkey first?”

WTF Is Up?! – Snapchat Updates, A New Trailer, and more!



By Darby VanHoutan

This was a week of recovery. A time to return to more fluffy news and look at cat pictures. Of course, my bank account, sleep schedule and let’s be honest – grades may never recover. Nevertheless, the sun rose and the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and that means we have to stay updated. Here’s WTF happened this week.

Kendall Jenner….WYA?

We all need a little detox sometimes. I once only ate yogurt for an entire week in high school because my friend told me it would help me sleep. Well, it didn’t. Television personality, supermodel and all around gangster Kendall Jenner is doing a little detoxing herself. A cleansing is what she credits her most recent decision to completely delete her Instagram.

She made the decision to do so at the beginning of this week and I miss her risque nipple slip pictures already. Although a lot can be said about the Kardashian-Jenner clan, Kendall was always on the forefront of pushing gender stereotypes and ridiculous rules on the picture sharing social media site. She herself had the most liked picture in history in 2015 with an extremely adorable picture of her hair in the shape of hearts that every teenage girl tried to remake in their friends’ basement.

On Wednesday, Jenner commented on the news while appearing on the Ellen Degeneres Show. She said the main fuel behind her decision was that she was becoming too dependent on the app, checking it when she woke up and right before she went to bed. Girl. I feel you. We all feel you. Please, come back.

Not Your Grandad’s Spectacles

Who would charge $129 for glass that comes out of a vending machine? Snapchat. The company has recently made an update to the app that is actually taking place not just on our phones but in real life. They created a pair of glasses, called Spectacles, that record videos straight from the shades themselves. Now we can drunkenly record our friends at the Hawk hands free! You just pair the glasses to your device and shazam! You can press the little button located on the glasses to record a 10 second video that gets saved to your Snapchat memories. It even comes in super cute packaging that has a case that serves a charger. What!? The future is ~lit~.

But wait! The Spectacles aren’t as easy to get your hands on as you’d think. The company sells the glasses through vending machines that look like giant minions that are called Snapbots. They pop up randomly with one appearing just earlier this week in Venice Beach, California. As you can imagine, they sell out rather fast and can also be purchased on E-Bay for a quick $600-$2,000. However, if you’d like to chase Snapchat’s bots around the world you can visit their website and prepare yourself to pay the $129 the vending machines charge for the product.

A Beauty and the Beast Update

I’m a sucker for Disney Fairytales. I can commonly be found combing my hair with forks like The Little Mermaid or belting out I’ll Make a Man Out of You from Mulan. So, of course, I was ecstatic when I saw that Disney was making yet another (they released a live action of Cinderella in 2015) live action version of one of their most beloved fairytales, The Beauty and the Beast. They strung me along even further this week when they released their second trailer for the film that premieres in March of 2017. It was a big moment for me since the first trailer was just Belle wandering around and saying “hello”.

The remake of the classic Beauty and the Beast seems to have a similar story line and will hopefully contain the same bangers like Be Our Guest and Gaston. It will also have the same romance between a very troubled beast man and an adorable bookworm played by wizard Hermione. I mean…actress Emma Watson. Regardless, this trailer isn’t enough to satisfy me and I already need more.

Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • “Is Stephen King the one in the wheelchair?”
  • Guy 1: “Fuck, there are so many pretty girls here.”
  • Guy 2: “I wish I was a pretty girl.”
  • Guy 1: “Aw, you are a pretty girl.”
  • “Have you noticed that every time I drink parrot bay passion fruit run I turn into a hoe?”
  • “My eyes are watering – that don’t mean nothing.”
  • “Mickey stole my sweatpants money and used it to buy Doritos!”
  • “Ugh, Satan’s calling again.”
  • “I wish I was wearing a diaper right now.”
  • Person 1: “Eleanor!”
  • Person 2: “Her full name is Elizabeth.”
  • Person 1: “Oh…Eleanor!”
  • “My eyes are rewinding.”
  • Person 1: “Is that for cancer?”
  • Person 2: “No, I think it’s for zombies.”

Finals are Coming: A Survival Guide for the Worst Week of the Year




By Ellie Milton

You have barely survived the fall semester; sylly week was all fun and games, then the teacher switched from the syllabus to Chapter One. You’ve been coasting through your lectures and (barely) passing your tests, Dollar Night is a weekly occurrence, showing up to your 8am half drunk is still acceptable. You forgot to turn in your online homework, so you reassure yourself that you still have half the semester to make it up, right? WRONG! You thought you were doing great until you looked in the mirror and saw something that resembled a potato wearing a shack shirt. Finals are 5 weeks away and you know more about cures to a hangover than quantum mechanics or the War of 1812 – what’s a student to do in such troubling times?

Here’s a couple quick ‘n’ dirty tips to surviving the weeks leading up to finals:

  1. Focus, focus, focus: You aren’t going to get anything done if you spend all your studying hours ranting about politics on Twitter; put a pin in your Facebook fight with your racist uncle and sit your ass down at the library to finish that essay you’ve been ignoring harder than your one night stand who caught feelings. If you can rally for a night out at the bars after tailgating from 9am to 3pm, you can force yourself to hang out at the library for a few hours and grind out your homework.
  2. Organize your time: If you don’t already own a planner, scrape together the last few cents you have and invest in one. Writing down your plans for the day and allotting time for studying will motivate you to actually do it – or if it doesn’t, at least you can say you tried and pour one out for all the L’s you’ve taken this semester.
  3. Find a study buddy: This is just like picking up a guy/girl at a party, except instead of a party, it’s the library, and instead of being fueled by a couple of vodka RedBulls, you’re fueled by an overwhelming fear of failure and the shakes from drinking 7 consecutive cups of coffee at 5pm on a Tuesday. Forget getting curved in the Boom Boom Room! Most of the people in the library are just as mortified by the thought of a 2.3 GPA as you are, so you have nothing to fear.
  4. Learn how to fail: In my opinion, learning how to fail effectively is one of the most important things you’ll learn in college. This goes not only for accepting the fact that you once passed out in a bush on Jayhawk Boulevard after half a Moosebowl, but also for understanding the fact that your grades ultimately don’t define your whole life. Getting a bad grade on one final doesn’t mean that you’re going to end up working at a gas station/meth lab in Missouri; learn from your failures and use them as motivation to work harder for the next semester!

Finals season can be incredibly stressful, but rest assured (albeit limited) knowing that we’re all in the same boat. Hopefully, these tips will assist with any pre-finals anxiety and help you find solace in the fact that you can’t spell college without a couple of L’s.

WTF Is Up?! – A New Baby, A New Nation, and more!



By Darby VanHoutan

A Disclaimer: I’m not going to pretend that certain things didn’t happen this week. I simply refuse to go into depth on them because I already know that the 2016 Presidential Election is all over your timeline. Republican nominee Donald Trump won with 290 electoral votes. In many ways this sucks and in many other ways it’s a completely new direction for politics. Let’s not talk about it. Instead, here’s a list of a few not-sucky things that happened this week.

A “Dream-y” New Kardashian

After nine excruciatingly long months, Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna had their baby girl. Personally, I wanna roll it up in butter and cinnamon and eat it. However, I also have uncommonly strange hunger feelings towards delicious little babies – especially Kardashian descendants. The baby, named Dream, was born early on Thursday morning.

The yummy little gal’s full name is Dream Renee Kardashian. Mother Chyna shared her with the world via Instagram video. Another step accomplished on their road to marriage. Until then, I expect many more delicious photographs.

Minnesota Made Moves

Believe it or not, there’s a positive side to this 2016 election. Many women most likely feel disenfranchised but girl power is still in full force. Ilhan Omar was elected the first female Somali-American Muslim legislator in America. Girl. Freaking. Power. Along with, hopefully, a place to break stigmas for the message the president elect has pushed against Muslims. Omar herself spent four years in a refugee camp before arriving in America.

Oh, and on her journey she defeated a 44-year-incumbent to become the Democratic nominee.

What’s a Wu Tang?

In 2014, a band named the Wu Tang Clan announced it was only making one copy of their newest album and giving it to the highest bidder. Pharmaceutical executive (the one that raised a prescription drug more than 5,000%), Martin Shrekli, was the highest bidder. Okay, cool. Exciting. As we learn later, along with this album came a contract that Shrekli would never publish any of the music to anyone.

On October 27, Shrekli tweeted that if Donald Trump won the American presidency, he would release parts of Wu Tang Clan’s album. Shrekli made good on his promise to the people this week and posted, via Facebook livestream, and showed “clips” of the songs since his contract stated he couldn’t release the entire songs.

I really think this is enough news for the week. Here’s a holiday puppy.


Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • “How do I tell a boy that I care about KU basketball more than him?”
  • “Your slipping sounds like a dog is slurping.”
  • “There’s so much red. It’s like my period and I hate it.”
  • “He does meth; he doesn’t want vegetables.”
  • “Zombie movies are bad influence on people.”
  • “It’s Halloween, someone has to die.”
  • “I just want to tell him ‘Hey, you’re cool and all but we should just be friends so I can date your brother.’”
  • “Your penance is to say 7 Hail Mary’s and go to Burger Stand.”
  • “Call me…piglet.”
  • “Embryos are cool and stuff.”

LFK Coffee Guide for Beginners: Alchemy Coffeehouse & Decade



By Elias Medici

Coffee is indeed a drug. Could you go to rehab for it? I believe you should. College students suffer the addiction, cringing for more while the night owl stays up late staring aimlessly on blackboard to decipher whether to finally start studying or keep wasting more money on Amazon. However, coffee does have its positive perks, one in particular being a social remedy practiced in the vast jungle of Lawrence’s exquisite coffee spots.

Let’s play the name game. When I provide a word, allow your brain to trigger its first response immediately to it. Okay? Okay. The first word is “mosquito.” You most likely thought of the word “bite,” or, “Malaria/Zika virus” to show-off your political relevance. Now, let me provide the word relating to this article’s purpose, “coffee shop.” What did you think? It was most likely “hipster,” and, yes, that is an accurate connection. Typically, this is a pre-cautionary signal to most people. But, these unique coffee spots are not just for the hipster breed; they are actually fun and cool!


Alongside my sidekick photographer Maggie, our first spot was Alchemy Coffee & Bake House on 19th and Massachusetts St. The little shop is located in a petite plaza with a narrow driveway and a huge parking lot that fits up to three cars. We were forced to park, illegally, at a residential lot not far from it. However, there is available parking across the street; we were just lazy.


The aroma walking in reminded me of a hookah lounge that had a baby with a nursery that lacked any plants. The space is tight with a small corridor in the back for food, a center with tables, and a main counter for coffee on the final side. All these intricate instruments were displayed and, to my surprise, there was no menu. I know what you’re thinking at this point, “Wow, that oozes hipster,” but bear with me. The man read my mind and translated my visible feelings into a dynamic concoction that he called “mocha.” It was wonderful and cheaper than Starbucks. We proceeded to sit down at an empty table and enjoyed the atmosphere. People were friendly and completed homework assignments politely in their own manner. For some reason, five of the 16 people in the shop were wearing Christmas sweaters. Don’t say the H-word; it was probably just an accident. We both rated this quaint, unique shop a strong A grade.


The next and final shop of our short tour was Decade, a coffee shop in the eastern section of Lawrence’s emerging art district. Thankfully, there was legal parking. The exterior had this architecture similar to a San Franciscan home with a tight landscape more than one story high. Walking in, we were greeted with a wooden staircase and a coat rack that immediately made me think of an Urban Outfitters entrance. Don’t say the word please. At the top, there were tables lined up and organized and people were smiling, completing their study. There were families with children, to my surprise, eating a light meal and enjoying coffee. On the walls were local art displayed and shelves full of ceramic and wooden works. The main counter was similar to Alchemy’s and had the diverse instruments that I could probably not pronounce a single one of their proper names correctly.

dsc_0148We ordered food this time, a $12 grilled cheese accompanied with tomato bisque topped with goat cheese. I ordered my second “mocha” and we sat down at the counter due to it being packed in the seating area. They also had a porch with a huge group of friends laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Definitely the outside area is a great place to hangout and chill, if it’s open. When we sat down, we were greeted with flash cards that had open-ended and extremely personal questions. We didn’t play it. By the time we were done munching, it was 30 minutes later. Upon leaving, I took the “In what ways are you a difficult person to have a relationship with?” flash card as a memory of our beautiful time at Decade. We rated it as well a strong A with a great emphasis on its social ability.dsc_0157

It’s highly recommended to unwind with some of your best pals at these shops whether it’s on the weekend or after class. Everyone needs a balance to his or her busy schedule, and this is a perfect way to counteract stress resulting from being productive. Can you get addicted to coffee? Yes, absolutely. Will there be a hipster at your planned visit to one of the two coffee shops mentioned? 100 percent there will. Will you have a wonderful time and enjoy yourself? I am positive of it. Take my word and go explore!

Photography by Maggie Russell

Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • “In my opinion, few things match a nice circumcision.”
  • “Is it really a spooky day if you haven’t eaten an entire bag of salt and vinegar chips?”
  • “I got to ride in a Subaru today. It’s always a good day when you get to ride in a Subaru.”
  • “If I drove right now, I’d get a DUI.” (Heard at 11.39 AM)
  • “I’m so ugly, I’m leaving.”
  • “That’s just how I generally feel, not dead but crusty.”
  • “Fuck, I wanna be white trash.”
  • “Drink jumbo margarita like a dog.”
  • “I have $10 on my face right now, I am not sweating that shit off at the gym.”
  • “I don’t know why my mom is never excited when I meet boys.”

WTF Is Up?! – More Gilmore Girls, More That’s So Raven, and more…more!



By Darby VanHoutan

Okay so yeah, I got food poisoning and broke my phone, but now I’m 5 pounds lighter and have an iPhone 7! Let’s look on the bright side. Here’s WTF happened everywhere else this week.


Raven-Symoné released some big news this week. The actress and host is leaving “The View” before the end of the year. Oh wait, but there’s bigger news. She’s leaving the talk show in order to spend more time on the “That’s So Raven” spin off.

I know. Breathe in. Breathe out. Symoné will work as executive producer and actress (still portraying Raven Baxter). The show will feature Raven Baxter, older now as a single mother raising two children. One of the children discovers that they have visions. ~oh~. ~snap~. There’s no name or release date for the show yet, however it was Raven-Symoné herself that confirmed it on “The View”, calling the new show “That’s So Raven Two”. She’s working with both Disney and ABC and sounds like a very busy girl.

A Month Away from A Year of Gilmore Girls

Here’s a list of things to remember: November 27, Netflix, carry-out Chinese Food, the feels. Another vital thing is ~of course~ the return of Gilmore Girls. The show is picking up 10 years later with a four part event that will be released on Netflix on November 27. The series is titled “Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life.”

The Town of Stars Hollow website has been counting down via Countdown Clock last week with the following message:

What is this clock counting down to? We’re not sure! But we’ve seen such things around the world wide web and thought our site was equally deserving of some real state-of-the-art features. 

Please enjoy our brand new clock on the home page and join us when it hits zero to see what might happen. We have literally no clue how this works!

Well, surprise! The clock was counting down to a brand new trailer that debuted at 10 a.m. CST this past Tuesday. Spoiler alert: The trailer doesn’t disappoint and can be seen in full → here.

Bye Bye Vine

I personally spent an embarrassing amount of time scrolling through six-second-long videos on Vine in my younger years. I made truly hilarious videos in the halls of my high school that in all actuality, weren’t funny. It’s the thought that counts. However, in a press release issued on Thursday, the twitter-owned video sharing app announced some changes.

There will no longer be an actual Vine mobile application. They assured users that no content will be taken down and they will notify the public before any more changes. In the press release, they thank users and assure that more updates will be given via Twitter and their blog. In the meantime, please look off into the distance and have a moment of silence for all the Vines from 2013 to now that changed your life.

Not Everyone’s A Star, Mr. Trump

Ya know that exhausted, aggravated, petty feeling you get when watching anything involving the presidential election of 2016. Yes, the election is important and I am ecstatic to cast the ~frick~ out of my vote, but my brain just can’t handle it.

Well, someone was evidently feeling the same way this week. The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) is currently investigating the vandalism of Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The star was found vandalized completely on Wednesday with a suspected pickax. In translation, someone just couldn’t, even. They grabbed an ax and they went to town on the Republican nominee’s Hollywood star.

The LAPD has currently one suspect, James Lambert Otis, in custody on $20,000 bail. In an interview with CNN, Otis said he would sell the parts to the star and give the proceeds to the women accusing Trump of sexual assault.

Heard on the Hill


HOTH crop

  • “I told Hillary Clinton ‘Happy Birthday’ before my sister”
  • “That sounds like a disease an Oompa Loompa would get.”
  • “Is Neil deGrasse Tyson the gay one from How I Met Your Mother?”
  • Person 1: “Wow, that’s a lot of money.”
  • Person 2: “Yeah, but not enough to buy a cousin.”
  • “She’s cute but that girl is a witch.”
  • “So, the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian and damn do I need one of those.”
  • Second time I saw her she just sat on my lap and showed me her herpes.”
  • “I would get a Ph.D. in Hawk wristbands.”
  • “You have the Vineyard Vines app? What does it do? Tell you cool things to say?”
  • “I’m starting to think Trump’s pulling a fast one on us.”

WTF Is Up?! – A Debate, A Documentary, and More!


By Darby VanHoutan


There’s only one day left until Homecoming, a week until Halloween, and about a million weeks left until Christmas break. This doesn’t leave much time to stay updated so here’s WTF happened this week!

Goodbye Michelle/ Thanks Obama

It’s about that time. Imagine slow, sad, somber music playing (think “Good Riddance” by Green Day) as America’s favorite family leaves a giant white house. After almost eight years, President Barack Obama along with his family are due to leave the Washington D.C. very soon and T Magazine (The New York Times Style Magazine) documented the end of an era spectacularly.

First lady Michelle Obama is one of the cover stars of T Magazine’s “Greats” issue. Let me spoil it for you and let you know the FLOTUS is ~killing~ it. With perfectly shaped eyebrows, amazing bone structure, and an undeniably kick-ass way of doing things, Michelle Obama steals the show. Included in the issue are love letters (must-reads btw) written by Jon Meacham, Rashida Jones, Gloria Steinem, and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Gloria Steinem describes Michelle as “a tall, strong, elegant and seriously smart woman who happens to live in the White House”.

The Documentary We’ve Been Waiting For

Variety magazine let the world know about some very exciting news this week. There is a documentary coming about America’s badass-sweetheart Cara Delevigne. The movie, titled “The Cara Project” was bought by Revolver Entertainment and will document Delevingne’s journey from model to actress.

Delevigne began acting in the 2015 movie “Paper Towns” after receiving TWO British Fashion Awards for “Model of the Year”. The actress/ model/ eyebrow goddess has also starred in “Pan” and most recently “Suicide Squad” with multiple more movies on the way.

There’s no release date or trailer yet, although Revolver Entertainment said it should be released in the United States and Canada in the next few months. I will no doubt purchase the first ticket.

FINALLY – The Last Presidential Debate

The last of the three 2016 Presidential debates took place this past Wednesday in Las Vegas, Nevada. Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton wore an eggshell pantsuit and Republican nominee Donald Trump wore a red tie. I’m sorry but this is truly the most exciting stuff I can tell you. Topics discussed included: immigration, abortion, Russia, and the economy (which honestly neither of the candidates had cumulative ideas about). This served as the last time for the candidates to speak both directly to the public and face off against each other before the election on November 8. It was moderated by Fox News reporter, Chris Wallace, who was honestly unintimidated and effective.

There’s plenty of jokes to be made and snapchat filters to be added regarding the debate but also some ~freaking~ important issues being handled by one outsider elitist businessman and one qualified scandal-surrounded woman. There are many polls like CNN, CBS, and more have Secretary Clinton winning. However, Donald Trump himself tweeted at 3 a.m. that he won. Very ~reliable~.

Regardless of funniness of candidates or memes made with pictures of them – it’s important to remember one important thing: one of them will be making decisions FOR you in less than three months.

Bobby Shmurda

This past Wednesday, Brooklyn rapper Bobby Shmurda was officially sentenced to seven years in prison. Shmurda was first arrested in December of 2014 outside of a recording studio in Manhattan.

The rapper (arguably most famous for his song “Hot Nigga”) first accepted a plea in early September. However, he urged the judge to withdraw his plea in court on Wednesday saying he was forced by his attorney. The judge didn’t back down and carried out the September ruling.

Oh, and when the rapper was first arrested and his bail was set at $2 million, his record label (Epic Records) didn’t bail him out. In an interview with the New York Times the 22-year-old said, “When I got locked up, I thought they were going to come for me, but they never did”. Is that not some of the most depressing gangster stuff you have ever heard?

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