Entries Tagged as 'Heard on the Hill'

Head on the Hill

4.20.2017

HOTH crop

  • “He sounds like he has a cat up his nose.”
  • Person 1:”Stop singing about president Putin!”
  • Person 2:”But he’s my best friend.”
  • Person 1:”Shut the fuck up”
  • “Do I need to know his name? No. I just need to know his body.
  • Person 1:”I’m just endlessly eating food, I need help.”
    Person 2:”NO you need sustenance.”
    Person 1:”Damn you’re right, I can’t argue with that logic.”
  • Person 1:”Guys, Mahershala Ali was the first Muslim to win an Oscar!”
    Person 2: “Wait, I thought he was black.”
  • “Your uterus is probably like Chernobyl.”
  • Person 1: “Who even invented tequila?”
    Person 2: “Someone who wanted to see the world burn.”
  • “What is it with white people and not staying with the stove?”
  • “I clock in, take a nap, go to the wheel, and then clock out.”
  • “I just remembered my grandmother uses Royal Crown as mouthwash.”

Heard on the Hill

4.06.2017

HOTH crop

  • Person 1: “So Tu served you at Dunkin’?”
  • Person 2: “What are you talking about, speak English.”
  • Person 1: “I can’t, he’s Vietnamese.”
  • “I think Great Britain is an anarchy. Maybe.”
  • “Dude I can’t even name five condiments.”
  • “I’m so high. At this right I’m never gonna have downs.”
  • “I smell like dirty clothes and baked potatoes.”
  • “Treating a nature valley bar like an ice cream cone does nothing for me.”
  • Person 1: “What did you do for Spring Break?”
  • Person 2: “Climb a mountain.”
  • Person 1: “Which one?”
  • Person 2: “Uh, I forgot the name of it.”
  • ” ‘Death by cheese’ the best way to go out.”
  • “Lasagna is a great pasta but a shitty horse.”
  • Person 1: “What’s your fetish?”
  • Person 2: “Respecting women.”

Heard on the Hill

3.16.2017

HOTH crop

  • “His hairline looks like Texas.”
  • “I am aggressive about peanut butter. You don’t fuck with peanut butter.”
  • “After a long day, I like to eat some roast beef…helps me relax.”
  • “Lightly parmesaned, bitter chortling. I feel like that’s who I am as a person.”
  • “I just ate applesauce with a knife, don’t test me!”
  • “You’re like a bath bomb but much cuter. And much less expensive.”
  • “My cat is staring at me and I think I like it a lot.”
  • “God, damn it! I just wish I had a dick so I could whip it out on the table.”
  • “I like how that restaurant assumes I know how to use chopsticks.”
  • “I can’t stop yawning. I think I’m addicted to air.”

Heard on the Hill

2.16.2017

HOTH crop

  • “When in doubt, break the law.”
  • “I feel like a goat on a stick.”
  • “LMAO, I broke into a house in middle school. I think I did it because I knew I wouldn’t go to jail.”
  • “I can’t tell you how many times the UDK has called me something offensive.”
  • “I’m boycotting McDonald’s because they made a larger version of the Big Mac and called it the Grand Mac instead of the Mac Daddy.”
  • “I don’t need good grades. The Bible said Adam and Eve not Adam and achieve.”
  • “I’m not really an early bird or a night owl, I’m some form of a permanently exhausted pigeon.”
  • “No, I never wash my hands leaving the bathroom. But I always need to dry them.”
  • “The black guy sitting next to me? I’m not trying to be racist, but it’s his birthday.”
  • “I’m basically addicted to antibiotics.”

Heard on the Hill

2.02.2017

HOTH crop

  • Person 1: “You can do anything you want in this world.”
  • Person 2: “Except get paid as much as a man.”
  • “That gas station had no Cheetos. It’s basically an INconvenience store.”
  • “I told my mom I was gonna smoke crack. That way she won’t be as mad if I get caught for weed.”
  • “Don’t pee on me! Don’t!”
  • “I think she’s pregnant but hey at least I got laid.”
  • “I brought my Sprite bottle up with me, so there I was, sipping lean during my presentation.”
  • “Have you seen these? It’s Naked with 90mg’s of bananas.”
  • “He’s great but I hate that we can’t hold hands because of his arm diplegia.”
  • “I thought she was cool and then she posted a flipagram to insta.”
  • “My New Year’s resolutions are to be more straight up with people, eat healthier, and start getting fucked up at the pregame so I don’t have to spend money on drinks at the bars.”

Heard on the Hill

1.26.2017

HOTH crop

  • “I hate philosophy. Apparently, I might not be real. God might not even be real.”
  • “You look like the kind of kid to be deadly allergic to peanuts.”
  • “Does W come before R in the alphabet?”
  • Person 1: “When I’m high, I can tell which lines in reality shows are scripted.”
  • Person 2: “That’s like the worst super power ever.”
  • “I took so many damn chicken tenders, like I filled my bag up.”
  • “Imagine if cotton candy had nipples and you mixed it, that’s what this strawberry milkshake tastes like.”
  • “The guy next to me smells like cheese, Gouda.”
  • “Why are you studying for that final? You already took it!”
  • “Damn! That boy is serious if he took you to the Cheesecake Factory!”
  • “Why do I have to get a turtle for your success?”

Heard on the Hill

1.19.2017

HOTH crop

  • “I have all break to grade your research papers and cry.”
  • “I just, like, relate to the Grinch on such a personal level.”
  • “My liver seriously hates me right now.”
  • “Ugh, if I ever meet Charlie Brown I might cry.”
  • “I though Queen Latifah and Whoopi Goldberg were the same person.”
  • “He is a practiced, licensed piece of shit.”
  • “What’s a dance party if you don’t throw up pizza?”
  • “He always looks like he did a face swap with a worse version of himself.”
  • “Which is more lit? Anschutz during finals week or the Hawk on dollar night?”
  • “A guy with 3 Mountain Dews and longboard just walked past me, why aren’t we dating?”

Heard on the Hill

12.08.2016

HOTH crop

  • “We didn’t need female ghostbusters; we didn’t even need Bill Murray.”
  • Person 1: “I hate tomatoes, I wouldn’t eat a tomato for $5.”
  • Person 2: “Really? I would eat a cat for $5.”
  • Person 3: “Not gonna lie, I would too.”
  • “He is just more Korean than you are.”
  • “I’d do cocaine over acid any day.”
  • “It’s not poop, it’s just like, butt juice.”
  • “I love it when my friends provide for me.”
  • “Your final is at 7.30 AM because God hates you.”
  • “Honestly, if you are really dating I actually expect to see your girlfriend on your snapchat story.”
  • “She has the same body as the dude from Despicable Me.”
  • Person 1: “Last night I was actually watching videos on what humans taste like.”
  • Person 2: “And?”
  • Person 1: “Apparently, the meat is similar to veal.”

Heard on the Hill

11.24.2016

HOTH crop

  • “It’s the holiday season, of course I’m lit.”
  • Person 1: “I seriously have no time, I have to give up eating or sleeping.”
  • Person 2: “Because God knows you aren’t going to give up your knitting.”
  • “You don’t enjoy McDonald’s fries, you eat them until you hate yourself.”

  • “I don’t know how to say this, but you’re racist.”
  • “Fuck Marry Kill: Yoda, Jar Jar Binks, Anakin Skywalker with no legs.”
  • “Hufflepuff is the K State of the Hogwarts houses.”
  • “The harp if by far the hottest instrument.
  • *In reference to a puppy*
  • Person 1: “Why are you getting rid of him?
  • Person 2: “Oh, my 5-year-old daughter was just doing too much with him.”
  • “So, do you like have to chase the turkey first?”

Heard on the Hill

11.10.2016

HOTH crop

  • “How do I tell a boy that I care about KU basketball more than him?”
  • “Your slipping sounds like a dog is slurping.”
  • “There’s so much red. It’s like my period and I hate it.”
  • “He does meth; he doesn’t want vegetables.”
  • “Zombie movies are bad influence on people.”
  • “It’s Halloween, someone has to die.”
  • “I just want to tell him ‘Hey, you’re cool and all but we should just be friends so I can date your brother.’”
  • “Your penance is to say 7 Hail Mary’s and go to Burger Stand.”
  • “Call me…piglet.”
  • “Embryos are cool and stuff.”

Heard on the Hill

11.03.2016

HOTH crop

  • “In my opinion, few things match a nice circumcision.”
  • “Is it really a spooky day if you haven’t eaten an entire bag of salt and vinegar chips?”
  • “I got to ride in a Subaru today. It’s always a good day when you get to ride in a Subaru.”
  • “If I drove right now, I’d get a DUI.” (Heard at 11.39 AM)
  • “I’m so ugly, I’m leaving.”
  • “That’s just how I generally feel, not dead but crusty.”
  • “Fuck, I wanna be white trash.”
  • “Drink jumbo margarita like a dog.”
  • “I have $10 on my face right now, I am not sweating that shit off at the gym.”
  • “I don’t know why my mom is never excited when I meet boys.”

Heard on the Hill

10.27.2016

HOTH crop

  • “I told Hillary Clinton ‘Happy Birthday’ before my sister”
  • “That sounds like a disease an Oompa Loompa would get.”
  • “Is Neil deGrasse Tyson the gay one from How I Met Your Mother?”
  • Person 1: “Wow, that’s a lot of money.”
  • Person 2: “Yeah, but not enough to buy a cousin.”
  • “She’s cute but that girl is a witch.”
  • “So, the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian and damn do I need one of those.”
  • Second time I saw her she just sat on my lap and showed me her herpes.”
  • “I would get a Ph.D. in Hawk wristbands.”
  • “You have the Vineyard Vines app? What does it do? Tell you cool things to say?”
  • “I’m starting to think Trump’s pulling a fast one on us.”

Heard on the Hill

10.20.2016

HOTH crop

  • “After this day, I just want my crack pipe.”
  • “Fuck yeah, T-Mobile is my homie.”
  • “Hot chocolate is coffee, right?”
  • “I’m pissed off, I’m gonna get a granola bar.”
  • “Kansas football is like my sex life.”
  • “You even wonder what human would taste like?”
  • “We’re not in England right now, you can’t just say that!”
  • “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!”
  • “I wish Clay Aiken still made music.”
  • “I love sturdy, hefty ginger men. It’s a fucking fetish.”

Heard on the Hill

10.13.2016

HOTH crop

  • “I haven’t listened to modern music since 2013.”
  • Person 1: “Are you guys ready for Thanksgiving?”
  • Person 2: “I am, to eat mashed potatoes.”
  • “I’m the PCP of people.”
  • “Is it weird that I recognized that guy by his calves?”
  • “Last time I was in this bathroom I was snorting cocaine.”
  • “I love you more than Mormons love Diet Coke.”
  • “I just wanna burrow into the Earth right now, I just love nature, man.”
  • “I feel like every time I sneeze I’m burning brain cells.”
  • “Dog shit is usually a bad omen, man.”
  • “I’ll be right back, watch my ripstik. Watch that thing with your Goddamn life.”

Heard on the Hill

10.06.2016

HOTH crop

  • “OMG you’re like the wife I never wanted.”
  • “This may be weird, but I love to hustle people.”
  • Person 1: “It was a brown cigarette.”
  • Person 2: “It was a joint.”
  • “She never had kids, but she did have polio.”
  • “Dude, if this was a carnivorous forest all the trees would eat us.”
  • “The drunkest I’ve ever been was on Ash Wednesday.”
  • “I feel like I need to tell my mom I skipped class.”
  • “I know the song ‘Bounce it’ by Juicy J is describing his observations at a strip club, but with my eyes closed and headphones on, it makes me feel like my dreams will come true.”
  • “Why don’t you shit someone else’s pants for a change?”
  • Person 1:“What’s the difference between three cups of jungle juice and four cups of jungle juice?”
  • Person 2: “The hospital.”

 

Heard on the Hill

9.29.2016

HOTH crop

  • “I don’t believe in parking tickets.”
  • “So is this a drug company? Oh, wait no, cos it’s not Missouri.”
  • “I’m dancing so hard, my butt has left my body.”
  • “Last night I came home from the bars and had a full steak dinner.”
  • “Everything’s better when it’s lit.”
  • “I would vote for Kristin Chenoweth for president before anyone else.”
  • “Hopefully this flash drive doesn’t have any porn on it, but nowadays you really can’t be surprised.”
  • “I made out with a guy last night and he looked like my brother.”
  • “And she just pulled her retainer out of her boob.”
  • “Is it acceptable to go to dollar night in a matching sweatsuit?”

Heard on the Hill

9.22.2016

HOTH crop
Heard on the Hill is back!

  • “Let’s play a game called ‘How lit can I get in a minute’.”
  • Person 1:“Is that a condom?”

          Person 2: “No it’s a beef ramen.”

  • “Stop being a bad bitch, go to bed!”
  • “I would pole dance for a pizza right now, just saying.”
  • “I really want to order something but I can’t read the menu because I never learned to read cursive.”
  • “I thought I lost my shirt. Then I realized I’m wearing it.”
  • “I think Michelle Obama’s kinda hot.”
  • “Can I use beak Em bucks at the liquor store?”
  • Person 1: “What are you up to tonight?”

          Person 2: Well, NBA 2k17 came out and I got ton of rice cakes, so that.”

  • “I sing the Greek alphabet when I run because it helps me concentrate.”

Heard on the Hill

5.03.2016

HOTH 2

It’s the final week of #HOTH! We’ve loved gathering your hilarious, overheard, completely out of context quotes on campus and around town. Here’s another dose to get you through the last week of school. Good luck on finals!

  • “We should take realistic graduation photos, like me crying in the library in my cap and gown.”
  • “I need to stop taking Benadryl before I sleep, man, I had a dream that Bernie Sanders was president.”
  • “This bitch was sick three weeks ago. Her futon is still covered with used tissues. When I asked her to clean them up, she had the balls to say, “I’ve been pretty busy.”
  • “Someone pooped in the shower, how does that happen?”
  • “I am not going to check when any of my finals are this semester. I already have a job, so who cares if I miss them.”
  • “But you’re like, too cute to go to the gym.”
  • Girl 1: “What are you going to put on your mortarboard?”
    Girl 2: “I don’t really want to do anything. It seems like too much work.”
    Girl 1: “You should put that on it. It’s clearly your college motto.”
  • “So instead of class next Wednesday, we’re going to party it up! Bring anything you want, except NO alcohol.”
  • Girl 1: “My brain is vibrating.”
    Girl 2: “Answer it.”
  • ​”Jesus Christ, we ate hot dogs again.”
  • “I just don’t trust a guy in a black button-down shirt.”

Heard on the Hill

4.26.2016

HOTH 2

  • “So my laptop and phone screens both decided to die in the same week. They can’t even make it to graduation either.”
  • “I know this is a professional event but I think I’m going to pregame anyway.”
  • “My tinder boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn’t send him nudies.”
  • “I’ve started taking personal days every Tuesday.”
  • Professor: “Coffee does help on the exam. Go for the brand that makes you hallucinate.”
  • “You have to fail at least 1 final in order to fully appreciate summer.”
  • “I literally had my debit card declined when I was trying to buy chocolate milk.”
  • “You know how siblings steal each other’s shit? Well you’re like a sibling, so I’m ‘borrowing’ one of your jerseys.”
  • “How do you decide if you’re tipsy or drunk? Is it how much rice you can eat?”
  • “The only good thing about finals coming up is the puppies at Anschutz.”
  • “I can’t believe I got drunk enough last night to take my sticky boobs off in the bar.”
  • “She was trying to have sex with me on the Tonic dance floor, I swear.”
  • Girl 1: “Prince died today.”
    Girl 2: “Wait! No! I’m from Minnesota, this is big!”

Heard on the Hill

4.19.2016

HOTH 2

Another week, another collection of hilarious quotes heard around campus. College kids say the darnedest things…

  • “I feel like the goddamn omelettes from Mrs. E’s.”
  • Girl: “Having a beach body is overrated.. It’s 2016.”
  • “I wouldn’t be worried about finals if I actually went to class.”
  • “I’ve had to start selling the clothes off my back to pay for drinks.”
  • “Tinder is the McDonald’s for sex.”
  • “I’m getting old, man. At some point sex jokes stopped being funny and dad jokes became hilarious.”
  • “I walk around with the earphones on because people are bullshit.”
  • “We only have five weeks left of college, and I plan to be intoxicated every second of it.”
  • Girl: “I can’t go back to Texas for grad school. The University of Texas is not my style. Orange is just not in my color wheel.”
  • Girl 1: “When the hell is Graduation this year, anyway?”
    Girl 2: “You’re the one graduating…”
  • “I wouldn’t call you the ‘apartment mom.’ You’re more of the ‘apartment drunk aunt.’”
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