Entries Tagged as 'Life on the Hill'

How It Feels…To Bring Your Newborn Baby Home

3.20.2017

As told to Cody Schmitz

How It Feels2

Twenty one years ago, professor of health and wellness Deb Monzon tried to bring her newborn daughter home for the first time. This is what it felt like.

Midnight. Two blocks from the hospital. I sit in the passenger seat as my husband drives through a flood. Another contraction. I can see the outline of the hospital through the downpour. Oh my god. I’m going to have to swim there, I think.

The car in front of our mini van hits a wall of water so deep that it laps at the windshield. I scream my husband’s name. He screams back, “This is fucking awesome!” The lead car splits the deepest of the floodwaters. We trail closely behind in its wake and pull up to the hospital.

I’m in the room by 12:30. My daughter is born within the hour.

We baby-proofed our new home before the birth. The last thing to do was seal our wooden floors, but my near-constant nausea prevented us from ever opening the can of finish. 

Once baby Courtney is safely in my arms, my husband gets it in his head to finish those floors before our daughter sees her new home. He leaves the hospital the next morning in order to pick up our older daughter and work on the home.

I get a phone call at 6 the next morning. My husband says, “I’ve got some bad news. We kind of had a house fire last night. Everyone is fine, please don’t worry.”

I go numb. I ask him how bad it is.

He says, “well… It’s not that bad.” 

I can tell when my husband is lying. I look to my left. Courtney is sleeping soundly next to me in the hospital room. I ask if we will be able to come home in a couple of days.

A pause. “Probably not.” 

The ground disappears beneath me. I feel completely alone. As I begin to cry, a nurse places my sleeping daughter in my arms. 

I have everything, I think as I look at her face. 

I have nothing, I remember as I hang up the phone.

The day that Courtney and I are released from the hospital, my husband tells me what happened. He says that my oldest daughter and he went to sleep after finishing the floors. He had thrown rags covered in finishing solution into a garbage can on our back porch. The mixed chemicals must have combusted, because my husband says he woke up to the sound of our smoke alarm. He grabbed our daughter and ran from the house wearing nothing but a trench coat.

“Do you want to see it?” He asks as we pull into town.

From the outside, my house looks as it did a week ago. The front door shines with a fresh coat of red paint. The cottonwood stretches past the second-floor window. It feels like I’m bringing my baby girl to her new home. Just like we had planned.

Instead, my mom follows closely behind us. She grabs Courtney from my arms in order to take my baby to her house — where we’ll be staying until we find a new place. 

We had painted the living room walls a crisp white before the birth. They are as black as tar. My husband says the fire started in the back of the house and worked its way up. If this is the least of the damage, I don’t dare step beyond the entryway. We manage to save a few boxes of photos from the wreckage. To this day, if I open those singed boxes, I can still smell the scent of stepping into our charred home.

Today we live less than two miles from our old home. Whenever I drive by, I thank God for reminding me to change our smoke detectors’ batteries the week before Courtney’s birth.

Heard on the Hill

3.16.2017

HOTH crop

  • “His hairline looks like Texas.”
  • “I am aggressive about peanut butter. You don’t fuck with peanut butter.”
  • “After a long day, I like to eat some roast beef…helps me relax.”
  • “Lightly parmesaned, bitter chortling. I feel like that’s who I am as a person.”
  • “I just ate applesauce with a knife, don’t test me!”
  • “You’re like a bath bomb but much cuter. And much less expensive.”
  • “My cat is staring at me and I think I like it a lot.”
  • “God, damn it! I just wish I had a dick so I could whip it out on the table.”
  • “I like how that restaurant assumes I know how to use chopsticks.”
  • “I can’t stop yawning. I think I’m addicted to air.”

How It Feels… To Be Sued By The German Government

3.13.2017

By Tom Quinley, 23, as told to Maddy Moloney

How It Feels2

The phone call was unexpected. I had just gotten back from Germany a couple weeks earlier, so the fact Manu Euen was calling was strange. He was my old roommate, an exchange student from Stuttgart, Germany who I had just traveled to visit.  “Did you download any movies while you were here…illegally?” he asked.

Gulp.

I had downloaded “Selma” and “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” using a file sharing website while at Manu’s home and put them onto his computer. Crap movies by the way, ones I never even finished.

Unbeknownst to me, Germany takes copyright laws very seriously. The German government was suing my roommate, on behalf of me, 1,800 Euros, which equates to nearly 2,000 American dollars.

That phone call did offer Manu some relief. He was happy he had gotten to the bottom of who had downloaded the movies. Under German law, whoever the computer IP number is registered to will be found at fault for anything illegal done using that web address.

Agitated, I told Manu I would handle it and had him forward me the legal document. Then I took the documents and copied and pasted them into Google Translate to try to understand what was going on. I remembered back to the last day of my First Amendment law class where my professor offered free legal advice to any of his students.

Penniless and with few options, I turned to my professor for help. He suggested hiring a German lawyer to get the lawsuit name me as the defendant instead of Manu, in hopes of freeing him from the mess and then making it tougher for Germany to get through the United States legal system.

So through odd jobs, involving the selling of my plasma, I scraped up $800 and sent it to a German lawyer he found online, who I was told not to contact. And just like that the whole situation disappeared. Neither my friend nor I were ever contacted again.

 

 

How it Feels… To Realize Your Internet Fame

3.06.2017

By Melissa Yunk

How It Feels2

Connor Wade is a senior at the University of Kansas from Burlington, Kansas. In early 2016 he started broadcasting on a social website called YouNow. A live broadcasting site. A few months later, after going live regularly and building followers, the site contracted him and the followers kept rolling in. Now, almost a year later, @itsconnorwade has collected over 1.7 million views and over 2,500 subscribers. He is considered a “content creator” for the site. This new-found fame hadn’t hit Connor until he had the opportunity to meet his fans for the first time at Good Times Chicago, the “largest creator convention in Winter.”

I get the call to go to Chicago for the “Good Times Conference” at the beginning of winter break and am shocked. I honestly have no idea why they want me on one of their panels. I know I’m not all that popular.  

The other 30 to 40 content creators attending are much more established than I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’m honored, but terrified at the same time. I realize it is a good opportunity to get my name out there and put my fears aside and decide to attend.

A few weeks later, the plane lands in Chicago on the Friday night before my panel, which is at 11 a.m. the next day. They even have a whole floor reserved in the hotel just for us….it’s wild. I can barely focus on having a good time though because I can’t stop thinking of the disaster tomorrow could be.

I set about nine alarms for the next morning, starting with 5:30 a.m., to make sure I don’t oversleep, thinking I would actually be able to get any sleep at all.

That next morning, they line the 10 of us in that panel up and explain that we are going to answer a few questions and then stand while the fans can walk through and meet us.

As I am standing between two YouTubers with more than 10x the number of followers I have, the worst thoughts run through my head. No one is going to be here for me. What am I even doing here?

By this point I am physically shaking and sweat is dripping off my hands. The security guard opens the door a million screams flood through…my heart sinks.

“Oh shit,” I exclaim. My friend looks over and assures me it was all going to be okay.  

From that point on it all turns into a blur. Hundreds of people are screaming our names, even mine!

As the audience starts walking through to meet us, I realize that there are people here that actually know me, and care about me. I have real fans! Some of them even bring me my favorite candy and gift cards.

Hell, one girl drove eight hours from Canada…just to meet me!

Being able to put faces to my followers gives what I have been doing a whole new meaning. They showed me that they care about me and motivate me to keep working at this and expanding my fan base. They give me hope.

How It Feels… To Perform Your First Autopsy

2.27.2017

By Mary Ann Omoscharka

How It Feels2

Almost a decade ago, Eva C. moved to Kansas City from a small Greek island named Chios, and began her pathology residency at Truman Medical Center. Only a few weeks later, she performed her first autopsy. This is how it felt.

I remember walking to the hospital “dungeons” where the morgue is, rubbing Vicks into my nostrils, naively hoping it would prevent the smell of the decomposing flesh from hitting me. My outfit wasn’t exactly the chicest, as pathologists almost look like astronauts to keep themselves and the body of the deceased uncontaminated. I wore my scrubs, a not-so-couture surgical gown, goggles, a mask and special boots. The temperature of the autopsy room was significantly low. “Am I cold or am I nervous?” I thought to myself.

The rest of the team unzipped a sizable black body bag, removed the corpse and placed it on the table. I do not say this with pride, but I was extremely relieved when I saw the body of a thin man. Everyone in our field knows that the higher the amount of fat, the more repugnant the odor. The deceased was a 54-year-old male with history of chronic alcoholism, smoking and malnourishment.

The first step was opening the torso by doing an extensive Y-shaped incision, running from each shoulder towards the chest, ending at the sternum. A massive pair of shears must be used in order to remove the chest cavity and gain access to all the organs. I picked up the entire organ block and proceeded to detach the organs from each other, so that their sections could be submitted for processing. Vicks proved to be useless, as it cleared up my breathing passages and made the smell truly unbearable when emptying the bowels.

Immediately after, we used a saw to open the skull. Another inappropriate thought passed through my mind while I was removing the skin from the bone. “It truly seems like peeling a ripe lychee” I realized. The brain was taken out and submitted for examination.

After five hours, the body was sewed together, cleansed and prepared to be picked up by the funeral services. The cause of death would be revealed during the next 48 hours.

I spent the following days thinking this was not the path for me and obsessing about my options. Nine years later, I have performed 65 autopsies.

Photography by Emma Creighton

 

Heard on the Hill

2.16.2017

HOTH crop

  • “When in doubt, break the law.”
  • “I feel like a goat on a stick.”
  • “LMAO, I broke into a house in middle school. I think I did it because I knew I wouldn’t go to jail.”
  • “I can’t tell you how many times the UDK has called me something offensive.”
  • “I’m boycotting McDonald’s because they made a larger version of the Big Mac and called it the Grand Mac instead of the Mac Daddy.”
  • “I don’t need good grades. The Bible said Adam and Eve not Adam and achieve.”
  • “I’m not really an early bird or a night owl, I’m some form of a permanently exhausted pigeon.”
  • “No, I never wash my hands leaving the bathroom. But I always need to dry them.”
  • “The black guy sitting next to me? I’m not trying to be racist, but it’s his birthday.”
  • “I’m basically addicted to antibiotics.”

WTF Is Up?! – Some Twins, Some Confirmation Hearings & More!

2.03.2017

WTF-Darby

By Darby VanHoutan

The theme of the year seems to either be fake news or breaking news, but either way there’s news! Yeah, yeah, yeah you all have your own interests but let me nerd out about the ~news~ and better yet, deliver it here to you. WTF happened this week?

‘Yonce Delivers Blessings

There are a few instances in a person’s life that they will remember where they were at the exact moment they learned about a situation. I was sitting at the Underground chugging my sixth cup of coffee for the day the first time I heard Beyonce Knowles was pregnant with twins.
The news was delivered to me the same way I assume it was delivered to many others, via Beyonce’s Instagram announcement on Wednesday. The photo has received a record-breaking 8.9 million likes so far. The 35-year-old has since also released some ~life-changing~ maternity photos on her website, many featuring Beyonce and Jay-Z’s only other child, Blue Ivy.

Houston – We have a Secretary of State

It’s proving to be more manageable to keep up with the Kardashians than it is to keep up with President Trump. The president, who seems to be fulfilling campaign promises and breaking news every day, produces quite a bit to keep up on. One thing in particular happened for Trump this week, within his cabinet to be more specific.

The US Senate approved Trump’s pick for Secretary of State with a vote of 56-43. The pick is former chief executive and chairman of Exxon Mobil Rex Tillerson. An interesting thing to note: the number of votes against Tillerson is the highest against a Secretary of State pick in US History.

A little background on Tillerson: he’s 65 years old, hails from Texas and well, used to be in charge of the mega-company Exxon Mobil.

Thanks Obama

There are few people who are relaxed as former President Barack Obama right now. Or at least, there are few people who LOOK as relaxed as Obama does right now. First, Obama ventured to Palm Springs, California with the entire family. This vacay followed President Trump’s inauguration which officially relieved Obama of his duties.

This meant that Obama, luckily for us, could be a ~gangsta~ again. After his California get-away, former Commander-In-Chief headed off to the British Virgin Islands with wife Michelle. It was here that a twitter video shows him sporting a backward baseball cap and just…chilling. I personally hope this trend continues as the former First Family returns back to their new digs in Washington D.C.

“You’re Fired” – Catchphrase in Action

Unfortunately, news of a relaxed previous president must be interrupted with our regularly scheduled programing. In more President Trump news, the acting Attorney General, Sally Yates, was fired by Trump on Monday night.

The firing came after Yates, who had served as Attorney General under Obama, announced that the Justice Department would not uphold and defend President Trump’s immigration ban. The blow to Yates was delivered to her in her office on Monday evening in the form of a handwritten note.

Sean Spicer, Trump’s press secretary, then did a lil’ bit of lashing out at former Attorney General Yates who then, I assume, just continued on to ~boss~ things. The president replaced Yates with US attorney Dana Boente for the time being.

Heard on the Hill

2.02.2017

HOTH crop

  • Person 1: “You can do anything you want in this world.”
  • Person 2: “Except get paid as much as a man.”
  • “That gas station had no Cheetos. It’s basically an INconvenience store.”
  • “I told my mom I was gonna smoke crack. That way she won’t be as mad if I get caught for weed.”
  • “Don’t pee on me! Don’t!”
  • “I think she’s pregnant but hey at least I got laid.”
  • “I brought my Sprite bottle up with me, so there I was, sipping lean during my presentation.”
  • “Have you seen these? It’s Naked with 90mg’s of bananas.”
  • “He’s great but I hate that we can’t hold hands because of his arm diplegia.”
  • “I thought she was cool and then she posted a flipagram to insta.”
  • “My New Year’s resolutions are to be more straight up with people, eat healthier, and start getting fucked up at the pregame so I don’t have to spend money on drinks at the bars.”

10 Reasons Why the KU Memorial Union Has the Best Restrooms On Campus

1.31.2017

By Logan Gossett

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It doesn’t matter if you’re politically left-wing, right-wing, or libertarian-wing: everyone uses the restroom-thing. The census opinion is that restrooms are at least a “lawful neutral” on the alignment chart.

Restrooms are especially useful for KU students, and the most useful restrooms on campus can be found at the KU Memorial Union.

“What makes the KU Memorial Union’s restrooms so great?”, you might have asked (If you did, good question! That sense of childlike wonder will take you a long way.)

Here are just a few reasons why the KU Memorial Union provides the best restroom experience on campus.

  1. They Force You To Get Creative: Who hasn’t experienced this? You go to your nearest restroom to purge your tumultuous intestines and ALL of the stalls are occupied. At KU’s Memorial Union, the men’s fourth floor restroom supports four poopers at once — not a whole lot! Now you have to think outside of the stall. One creative idea for men is to employ the urinal. Clean your no-no area by angling your bumhole upward toward the espousing water that fountains down when you flush the urinal, like using a bidet at a 220 degree incline.
  2. The KU Memorial Union’s Single-Ply Toilet Paper Prevents Disease: Premium toilet paper is soothing and comfortable, which presents the temptation to rub it on your face after wiping. Gross! The KU Memorial Union mitigates this temptation by using single-ply toilet paper, which is harrowingly painful to the touch.
  3. The KU Memorial Union’s Single-Ply Toilet Paper Makes For A Neat DIY Snapchat Filter: Do you find Snapchat’s current filter lineup to be tiresome? Spice things up by draping a sheet of single-ply toilet paper over the camera lens before taking a stall selfie! The sheer, almost transparent toilet paper presents a charming sheen that’s sure to impress your friends (or lover). This filter appeals to the purists, and pays homage to the filters used by your ancestors.  
  4. The KU Memorial Union’s Single-Ply Toilet Paper Can Lead to the Early Prevention of Prostate Cancer: For the men on campus, single-ply toilet paper presents a convenient way to inadvertently check your prostate. When the 10% opacity sheet of single-ply toilet paper you’re using inevitably breaks, your finger will poke through and reach your prostate. While this may seem like an unwelcome mess for some folks, the reassurance of examining your unsuspecting prostate makes it well worth it!
  5. Pre-Wiping: Some students don’t want to roll the dice just for it to yield four occupied stalls. A few considerate, innovative students have began “pre-wiping,” whether it be at home or during a slow day in class. This cost-effective tactic, inspired by the Memorial Union’s single-ply toilet paper, saves scarce toilet time and keeps your hands away from your messy dookie parts!
  6. The 5th Floor Restrooms Promote Community Bonding: The KU Memorial Union’s 5th floor restrooms have long been one of KU’s hidden gems. Upon entering the men’s room, you can opt for the left side or the right side stalls/urinals/sinks. Upon securing a stall, you join a communal experience that rivals a KU basketball game or viewing a movie’s midnight release. You and your fellow left or right side companions duel against the opposing side in a battle of bumhole bombast.
    “I walked into the 5th floor stalls scared and alone, but I left with one thought: ‘This is where I belong,’” said one junior at KU. “That’s really what attending KU is all about.”
  7. Impressively Responsive Automatic Soap Dispensers: Similar to cooking and copulation, the worst part about visiting a restroom is the cleanup period. Fortunately, the KU Memorial Union’s soap dispensers are highly responsive and eager to assist you in the cleanup. Oftentimes these eager soap squirters volley soap toward you more uproariously and unexpectedly than an uncle’s sneeze! Their read-distance is approximately 10 feet — perfect for expediting the dreaded hand-washing phase of a restroom safari.
  8. It’s Entirely Possible That the Narrow 4th Floor Restroom Doorways Are a Good Thing Somehow: Sure, the narrow corridor leading to the Memorial Union’s easternmost 4th floor restrooms can make for some uncomfortably intimate contact with fellow restroom users. But pressing your body against the wall to make room for people entering the restroom doesn’t have to be all bad. Sometimes it’s only some bad! Studies have probably shown that close-quarters doorways have an off-chance of having some sort of somewhat positive social effect or something. Who knows, really?
  9. Automatic Flushing: While automatically flushing toilets are common on KU’s campus, the Memorial Union’s toilets are especially adept at the art.
    “I was just sitting on the toilet browsing Reddit,” a freshman at KU said. “When all of a sudden the waste I emitted was gone. A little splashback was left on my [bottom], but that was okay. I like to think of it as a souvenir. (laughs to the point of tears, which was kind of unsettling).”

The Memorial Union’s Restrooms Are a Safe Place: Nothing’s worse than entering a stall only to be assaulted by stall art, which often includes profanity! Yikes!
Once again, KU’s Memorial Union leads the charge to provide an accommodating environment for students of all majors, sexual orientations, and ethnicities. The beaded and glossy texture of the Memorial Union’s stalls prevents monsters from scribbling anything offensive.
Restrooms are supposed to be a bastion of cleanliness. Desecrating the place where people void their bowels with hate speech is wrong. The last place vandals should target is the restroom — where the bacteria-laden refuse of the human body is expunged. How can people possibly excrete the foul fumes of one’s intestines with disgusting images on the walls?

Heard on the Hill

1.26.2017

HOTH crop

  • “I hate philosophy. Apparently, I might not be real. God might not even be real.”
  • “You look like the kind of kid to be deadly allergic to peanuts.”
  • “Does W come before R in the alphabet?”
  • Person 1: “When I’m high, I can tell which lines in reality shows are scripted.”
  • Person 2: “That’s like the worst super power ever.”
  • “I took so many damn chicken tenders, like I filled my bag up.”
  • “Imagine if cotton candy had nipples and you mixed it, that’s what this strawberry milkshake tastes like.”
  • “The guy next to me smells like cheese, Gouda.”
  • “Why are you studying for that final? You already took it!”
  • “Damn! That boy is serious if he took you to the Cheesecake Factory!”
  • “Why do I have to get a turtle for your success?”

Heard on the Hill

1.19.2017

HOTH crop

  • “I have all break to grade your research papers and cry.”
  • “I just, like, relate to the Grinch on such a personal level.”
  • “My liver seriously hates me right now.”
  • “Ugh, if I ever meet Charlie Brown I might cry.”
  • “I though Queen Latifah and Whoopi Goldberg were the same person.”
  • “He is a practiced, licensed piece of shit.”
  • “What’s a dance party if you don’t throw up pizza?”
  • “He always looks like he did a face swap with a worse version of himself.”
  • “Which is more lit? Anschutz during finals week or the Hawk on dollar night?”
  • “A guy with 3 Mountain Dews and longboard just walked past me, why aren’t we dating?”

WTF Happened in 2016?!

12.31.2016

WTF-Darby

By Darby VanHoutan

I remember waking up 364 days ago and thinking “this is my year”. SPOILER ALERT: I was astonishingly incorrect. I face planted more times than I can count, slept through an embarrassing amount of classes and worst of all – Brad and Angelina broke up.

It’s almost painful to look back on the year we’ve had but I assure you it’s amusing. Of course the year 2016 is not to blame for the L’s the world took because many of them were our own doing. However, it would be nice in the future to have at least as many W’s. Here’s a short list providing only an overview of WTF happened this year.

  1. Actress, Author and spokesperson for mental illness Carrie Fisher died.
  2. Ohio State University suffered a school attack.
  3. John Legend and Chrissy Teigen had baby Luna.
  4. Beyonce gave the world the visual album LEMONADE.
  5. Leonardo DiCaprio won his first ~freakin’~ Oscar.
  6. Ryan Lochte colored his hair blonde.
  7. Ryan Lochte colored his hair back to brown.
  8. Netflix gave us Stranger Things.
  9. Britain voted to leave the European Union.
  10. The United States elected Donald. Trump. As. President.
  11. The United States literally elected Donald Trump as president.
  12. Apple released iPhone 7 and 7 Plus.
  13. Prince died.
  14. Drake and Rihanna got together.
  15. Drake and Rihanna broke up.
  16. 49 people were killed at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida.
  17. Drake #blessed us with Views.
  18. The Chicago Cubs won the baseball World Series
  19. Kylie Jenner launched Kylie Jenner Cosmetics
  20. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
  21. Ashley Graham was the first plus sized model on a Sport’s Illustrated cover
  22. Christina Grimmie was shot and killed in Florida
  23. James Charles was first male makeup model for Covergirl
  24. Hurricane Matthew struck Florida
  25. Lady Gaga gave us Joanne
  26. A toddler was eaten by an alligator in Florida
  27. Beloved gorilla Harambe was killed
  28. Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian had baby Dream
  29. Simone Biles ~killed~ the Rio Olympics
  30. Unemployment is at the lowest levels since the Recession
  31. Finding Dory

Heard on the Hill

12.08.2016

HOTH crop

  • “We didn’t need female ghostbusters; we didn’t even need Bill Murray.”
  • Person 1: “I hate tomatoes, I wouldn’t eat a tomato for $5.”
  • Person 2: “Really? I would eat a cat for $5.”
  • Person 3: “Not gonna lie, I would too.”
  • “He is just more Korean than you are.”
  • “I’d do cocaine over acid any day.”
  • “It’s not poop, it’s just like, butt juice.”
  • “I love it when my friends provide for me.”
  • “Your final is at 7.30 AM because God hates you.”
  • “Honestly, if you are really dating I actually expect to see your girlfriend on your snapchat story.”
  • “She has the same body as the dude from Despicable Me.”
  • Person 1: “Last night I was actually watching videos on what humans taste like.”
  • Person 2: “And?”
  • Person 1: “Apparently, the meat is similar to veal.”

WTF Is Up?! – A Gaga Performance, New VS Angels, and more!

12.02.2016

WTF-Darby

By Darby VanHoutan

There’s nothing quite like the pain and damage of hell week. The light in professors’ eyes as they deliver you a test one week before a cumulative 12-page final is truly breathtaking. GOOD NEWS: There’s only two more weeks and then we’re all free. That doesn’t mean you get a pass on being informed, of course. Here’s just a few things to fill you in on WTF happened this week!

Ohio

A student named Abdul Razak Ali Artan carried out an attack at Ohio State University on Monday. It all began at the Ohio State campus in Columbus, when Artan rammed his car into a group of students. He then left his car and charged at multiple other students with knives. This was as far as he got before he was shot and killed by an Ohio State police officer.

In total, 11 people were injured and hospitalized after the incident. The only evidence so far besides things left at the crime scene were Facebook posts by Artan sent just a few hours before the attack. It was through these that he expressed anger towards people treating his Muslim peers poorly. “By Allah, we will not let you sleep unless you give peace to the Muslims. You will not celebrate or enjoy any holiday” read one of Artan’s posts.

Arguably, the Ohio State University President Michael V. Drake put it best at his press conference Monday afternoon, where he urged his students to not jump to conclusions and believe it was terrorism or point fingers at other students. “What we want to do is really unify together and support each other; do our best to support those who were injured in their recovery”, said Drake.

A Love-Filled Gaga Performance

I have another reason for you to love Lady Gaga (though I believe you should already have at least 107 reasons to love her). The performer made a surprise visit to the Ali Forney Center in Brooklyn this past Black Friday. Who needs new thigh-high-leather-boots when you support the nation’s youth, right?

This performance by Gaga is so badass in particular because the Ali Forney Center is a housing center for LGBT youth, many of whom were kicked out of their homes for simply being themselves, in New York. While there, Gaga meditated with the entire group and performed an acoustic cover of her song “Million Reasons”. Of course, Gaga didn’t do it so that big news platforms would shower her in adoration, she did it because the young people living at the Ali Forney Center deserve to see her performances as much as anyone else and they’re probably chill AF to meditate with.

Tomi Lahren Gets Told

Tomi Lahren. You know her. She’s the angry, blonde, young woman who is always yelling about the liberal agenda on your Facebook page. I have many motivations to appreciate her being dragged on national television, some more important than others. Regardless, the young online talk show host appeared on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah this past Wednesday.

For background, Tomi Lahren is the 24-year-old host of the show Final Thoughts on the conservative network TheBlaze. The videos are most commonly shared on Facebook with one of Lahren’s most popular being her three and half minute video (on professional football player Colin Kaepernick’s peaceful protest of the National Anthem) which was viewed 66 million times.

On The Daily Show, host Trevor Noah spent a staggering fourteen minutes interviewing Lahren, presumably trying to get a better grasp on WTF is going on inside her head. Noah began with asking Lahren why she’s so angry and continued with questions on her hatred of the Black Lives Matter movement, president-elect Donald Trump and more. Noah was level headed and delivered pointed (yet angsty) questions and Lahren was…passionate.

Some of my favorite comments were when Lahren said “I’m a Millennial so I don’t like labels…”. It was directly after this remark that, hopefully along with many other viewers, Noah realized what she said didn’t make sense and informed of the contradiction by saying “Sorry. My brain. You just gave a label to say you don’t like labels”. Along with this came Lahren said she “doesn’t see color”, thinks Trump is level headed and many other things you’ll likely hear again from your drunk uncle on Christmas.

Your Model BFFs Got Their Wings

If a bell rings every time an angel gets their wings, then Paris must have been ~lit~ this past Wednesday. Victoria’s Secret hosted their annual fashion show in Paris, France for the first time and events ensued.

The 40-minute show was separated into six themes: Road Ahead, Mountain Romance, Pink Nation, Secret Angel, Dark Angel and Bright Night Angel. It included performers by Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars and The Weeknd (ex-boyfriend of first time VS model Bella Hadid). Oh, and speaking of the sparkling gene pool that is the Hadid’s, both Gigi and Bella strutted the VS runway and were adorned with wings along with fellow model and friend Kendall Jenner. Other models present included Karlie Kloss, Adriana Lima, Lily Aldridge, Taylor Hill and many more.

The entire evening was documented via models’ Instagrams and Snapchats, BUT the best news is that you can see it all for yourself on December 5 when it airs on CBS.

Heard at the Table: Thanksgiving Edition

11.25.2016

monica-en-dinde-de-thanksgiving

  • “I always feel like a young Monica Lewinsky whenever I smoke swishers.”
  • “You were definitely the worst growing up, mom and dad agree with me.”
  • “All I need is Jesus Christ and Miller Lite.”
  • “You just put a straw down to the bottom with your finger over the end sticking out and take your finger off after you start chugging.”
  • “Who’s going to shotgun a beer with me?”
  • “Why don’t you shut up for once and just pass me the rolls.”
  • “I don’t think I’m evil enough to be a Slytherin, but I’m also not annoying enough to be a Hufflepuff.”
  • Cousin 1: “What are Aquarius?”
  • Cousin 2: “Liars, cold-hearted people.”
  • 6-year-old: “My dad called the cops on my mom. There’re taking it straight back to court.”
  • “Who taught Elias gang signs?”
  • “Everyone loves a pumpkin roll, no one loves Mark.”
  • “So, who did you vote for?”
  • “We heard the word election and ran for our lives.”
  • Person 1: “I couldn’t talk, I was so choked up listening to the Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack.”
  • Person 2: “Are you pregnant?”

Heard on the Hill

11.24.2016

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  • “It’s the holiday season, of course I’m lit.”
  • Person 1: “I seriously have no time, I have to give up eating or sleeping.”
  • Person 2: “Because God knows you aren’t going to give up your knitting.”
  • “You don’t enjoy McDonald’s fries, you eat them until you hate yourself.”

  • “I don’t know how to say this, but you’re racist.”
  • “Fuck Marry Kill: Yoda, Jar Jar Binks, Anakin Skywalker with no legs.”
  • “Hufflepuff is the K State of the Hogwarts houses.”
  • “The harp if by far the hottest instrument.
  • *In reference to a puppy*
  • Person 1: “Why are you getting rid of him?
  • Person 2: “Oh, my 5-year-old daughter was just doing too much with him.”
  • “So, do you like have to chase the turkey first?”

WTF Is Up?! – Snapchat Updates, A New Trailer, and more!

11.18.2016

WTF-Darby

By Darby VanHoutan

This was a week of recovery. A time to return to more fluffy news and look at cat pictures. Of course, my bank account, sleep schedule and let’s be honest – grades may never recover. Nevertheless, the sun rose and the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and that means we have to stay updated. Here’s WTF happened this week.

Kendall Jenner….WYA?

We all need a little detox sometimes. I once only ate yogurt for an entire week in high school because my friend told me it would help me sleep. Well, it didn’t. Television personality, supermodel and all around gangster Kendall Jenner is doing a little detoxing herself. A cleansing is what she credits her most recent decision to completely delete her Instagram.

She made the decision to do so at the beginning of this week and I miss her risque nipple slip pictures already. Although a lot can be said about the Kardashian-Jenner clan, Kendall was always on the forefront of pushing gender stereotypes and ridiculous rules on the picture sharing social media site. She herself had the most liked picture in history in 2015 with an extremely adorable picture of her hair in the shape of hearts that every teenage girl tried to remake in their friends’ basement.

On Wednesday, Jenner commented on the news while appearing on the Ellen Degeneres Show. She said the main fuel behind her decision was that she was becoming too dependent on the app, checking it when she woke up and right before she went to bed. Girl. I feel you. We all feel you. Please, come back.

Not Your Grandad’s Spectacles

Who would charge $129 for glass that comes out of a vending machine? Snapchat. The company has recently made an update to the app that is actually taking place not just on our phones but in real life. They created a pair of glasses, called Spectacles, that record videos straight from the shades themselves. Now we can drunkenly record our friends at the Hawk hands free! You just pair the glasses to your device and shazam! You can press the little button located on the glasses to record a 10 second video that gets saved to your Snapchat memories. It even comes in super cute packaging that has a case that serves a charger. What!? The future is ~lit~.

But wait! The Spectacles aren’t as easy to get your hands on as you’d think. The company sells the glasses through vending machines that look like giant minions that are called Snapbots. They pop up randomly with one appearing just earlier this week in Venice Beach, California. As you can imagine, they sell out rather fast and can also be purchased on E-Bay for a quick $600-$2,000. However, if you’d like to chase Snapchat’s bots around the world you can visit their website and prepare yourself to pay the $129 the vending machines charge for the product.

A Beauty and the Beast Update

I’m a sucker for Disney Fairytales. I can commonly be found combing my hair with forks like The Little Mermaid or belting out I’ll Make a Man Out of You from Mulan. So, of course, I was ecstatic when I saw that Disney was making yet another (they released a live action of Cinderella in 2015) live action version of one of their most beloved fairytales, The Beauty and the Beast. They strung me along even further this week when they released their second trailer for the film that premieres in March of 2017. It was a big moment for me since the first trailer was just Belle wandering around and saying “hello”.

The remake of the classic Beauty and the Beast seems to have a similar story line and will hopefully contain the same bangers like Be Our Guest and Gaston. It will also have the same romance between a very troubled beast man and an adorable bookworm played by wizard Hermione. I mean…actress Emma Watson. Regardless, this trailer isn’t enough to satisfy me and I already need more.

Heard on the Hill

11.17.2016

HOTH crop

  • “Is Stephen King the one in the wheelchair?”
  • Guy 1: “Fuck, there are so many pretty girls here.”
  • Guy 2: “I wish I was a pretty girl.”
  • Guy 1: “Aw, you are a pretty girl.”
  • “Have you noticed that every time I drink parrot bay passion fruit run I turn into a hoe?”
  • “My eyes are watering – that don’t mean nothing.”
  • “Mickey stole my sweatpants money and used it to buy Doritos!”
  • “Ugh, Satan’s calling again.”
  • “I wish I was wearing a diaper right now.”
  • Person 1: “Eleanor!”
  • Person 2: “Her full name is Elizabeth.”
  • Person 1: “Oh…Eleanor!”
  • “My eyes are rewinding.”
  • Person 1: “Is that for cancer?”
  • Person 2: “No, I think it’s for zombies.”

Finals are Coming: A Survival Guide for the Worst Week of the Year

11.16.2016

 

rory

By Ellie Milton

You have barely survived the fall semester; sylly week was all fun and games, then the teacher switched from the syllabus to Chapter One. You’ve been coasting through your lectures and (barely) passing your tests, Dollar Night is a weekly occurrence, showing up to your 8am half drunk is still acceptable. You forgot to turn in your online homework, so you reassure yourself that you still have half the semester to make it up, right? WRONG! You thought you were doing great until you looked in the mirror and saw something that resembled a potato wearing a shack shirt. Finals are 5 weeks away and you know more about cures to a hangover than quantum mechanics or the War of 1812 – what’s a student to do in such troubling times?

Here’s a couple quick ‘n’ dirty tips to surviving the weeks leading up to finals:

  1. Focus, focus, focus: You aren’t going to get anything done if you spend all your studying hours ranting about politics on Twitter; put a pin in your Facebook fight with your racist uncle and sit your ass down at the library to finish that essay you’ve been ignoring harder than your one night stand who caught feelings. If you can rally for a night out at the bars after tailgating from 9am to 3pm, you can force yourself to hang out at the library for a few hours and grind out your homework.
  2. Organize your time: If you don’t already own a planner, scrape together the last few cents you have and invest in one. Writing down your plans for the day and allotting time for studying will motivate you to actually do it – or if it doesn’t, at least you can say you tried and pour one out for all the L’s you’ve taken this semester.
  3. Find a study buddy: This is just like picking up a guy/girl at a party, except instead of a party, it’s the library, and instead of being fueled by a couple of vodka RedBulls, you’re fueled by an overwhelming fear of failure and the shakes from drinking 7 consecutive cups of coffee at 5pm on a Tuesday. Forget getting curved in the Boom Boom Room! Most of the people in the library are just as mortified by the thought of a 2.3 GPA as you are, so you have nothing to fear.
  4. Learn how to fail: In my opinion, learning how to fail effectively is one of the most important things you’ll learn in college. This goes not only for accepting the fact that you once passed out in a bush on Jayhawk Boulevard after half a Moosebowl, but also for understanding the fact that your grades ultimately don’t define your whole life. Getting a bad grade on one final doesn’t mean that you’re going to end up working at a gas station/meth lab in Missouri; learn from your failures and use them as motivation to work harder for the next semester!

Finals season can be incredibly stressful, but rest assured (albeit limited) knowing that we’re all in the same boat. Hopefully, these tips will assist with any pre-finals anxiety and help you find solace in the fact that you can’t spell college without a couple of L’s.

WTF Is Up?! – A New Baby, A New Nation, and more!

11.11.2016

WTF-Darby

By Darby VanHoutan

A Disclaimer: I’m not going to pretend that certain things didn’t happen this week. I simply refuse to go into depth on them because I already know that the 2016 Presidential Election is all over your timeline. Republican nominee Donald Trump won with 290 electoral votes. In many ways this sucks and in many other ways it’s a completely new direction for politics. Let’s not talk about it. Instead, here’s a list of a few not-sucky things that happened this week.

A “Dream-y” New Kardashian

After nine excruciatingly long months, Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna had their baby girl. Personally, I wanna roll it up in butter and cinnamon and eat it. However, I also have uncommonly strange hunger feelings towards delicious little babies – especially Kardashian descendants. The baby, named Dream, was born early on Thursday morning.

The yummy little gal’s full name is Dream Renee Kardashian. Mother Chyna shared her with the world via Instagram video. Another step accomplished on their road to marriage. Until then, I expect many more delicious photographs.

Minnesota Made Moves

Believe it or not, there’s a positive side to this 2016 election. Many women most likely feel disenfranchised but girl power is still in full force. Ilhan Omar was elected the first female Somali-American Muslim legislator in America. Girl. Freaking. Power. Along with, hopefully, a place to break stigmas for the message the president elect has pushed against Muslims. Omar herself spent four years in a refugee camp before arriving in America.

Oh, and on her journey she defeated a 44-year-incumbent to become the Democratic nominee.

What’s a Wu Tang?

In 2014, a band named the Wu Tang Clan announced it was only making one copy of their newest album and giving it to the highest bidder. Pharmaceutical executive (the one that raised a prescription drug more than 5,000%), Martin Shrekli, was the highest bidder. Okay, cool. Exciting. As we learn later, along with this album came a contract that Shrekli would never publish any of the music to anyone.

On October 27, Shrekli tweeted that if Donald Trump won the American presidency, he would release parts of Wu Tang Clan’s album. Shrekli made good on his promise to the people this week and posted, via Facebook livestream, and showed “clips” of the songs since his contract stated he couldn’t release the entire songs.

I really think this is enough news for the week. Here’s a holiday puppy.

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