6 Patriotic Ways to Celebrate America’s Most Overlooked Holiday: Armistice Day

11.11.2018

By Caleb Hundelt (hardtack words by Olivia Favreau)

This November 11th marks the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I, so we’ve come up with some fun ways that will allow you and your party guests to truly immerse yourselves in the horrific nature of The Great War!

  1. Bake some inedible hardtack!

In this time of remembrance and festivities, why not try out the BelVita of World War I? Requiring only three ingredients and boasting jaw-breaking properties, hardtack is the perfect recipe for your Armistice Day table. With its hints of salt and chalk, your guests will experience the cold horrors of limited rations during trench warfare right in your living room.

Recipe:

  • Flour
  • Salt
  • Water
  • Desperation

Enjoy!

2. Hold a gas-mask masquerade!

Tell your friends to show up to your Armistice Day party wearing their most crude WW1-era gas masks. Whip up some mustard gas to put in your Febreze wall plug-ins and try to identify each other while you suffer from the extreme mutagenic and carcinogenic effects that you think you’re protecting yourselves from!

 

3. Give yourself trench foot!

This takes some preparation. Fill up a large bin of water in advance and just make it as septic and unsanitary as possible. When the crowd arrives, have them put their feet – shoes and all – into that nice, lukewarm bacteria bath. Make sure your doctor friend isn’t present for this one. He’ll only be a party-pooper and try to stop you from experiencing necrosis!

4. Have a propaganda poster contest!

This one really gives a chance for your artsy and psychologically manipulative pals to shine. Whoever can create the most culturally inaccurate, semi-racist propaganda poster wins the rest of the hardtack!

5. Play “Clue” – World War 1 style!

Bored with the regular old Clue? In this exciting take on the classic board game, you try to pinpoint not just the culprit of one murder, but also the cause of nearly 40 million civilian casualties. Was it imperialism, nationalism, militarism or a complex combination of these factors and many others? Who knows, but it’s probably easiest if you just blame Germany and ignore everything else!

6. Read All Quiet on the Western Front bedtime stories!

As the night closes in and your friends head home with post-traumatic stress disorder, don’t forget to include the children in the festivities as well. Whip out your favorite passage from All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque and allow your child to sleep with the graphic descriptions of wartime violence. With luck, not only will they fall asleep with horrendous nightmares, but they will also lose their innocence and be forced to reconsider their outlook on the world.

 

Happy Armistice Day!

 

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