It’s fall, bitches. It’s time to freebase pumpkin spice lattes, shove the Nike Tempo shorts to the back of the dresser drawer and try some of the latest fall trends on campus.
Trend #1 – When I think of leoopaaard, I touch myself!
Just a touch, though. With minimal effort, leopard print sassifies any outfit and can create a neutral foundation for mixing patterns. In fact, leopard is much more versatile than you think. Poetically said, it clashes with harmony yet speaks volumes in whispers. It’s the head-bitch-accessory-in-charge that goes with everything and pops perfectly with red accents.
But remember, everybody: just a touch of leopard will do.
(I would do filthy things for that jacket)
Shout out to the cat ladies out there. Me-yow.
Trend #2 – MIX ALL THE PATTERNS
Holy fuck I love seeing people mix patterns. It’s like seeing someone save a baby from a burning building. The more irreverent your pattern mixing, the better, because fashion is all about personality and breaking all rules.
soft stripes and geometric prints
I do acknowledge, however, that not all of us have the balls (myself included) to clash with confidence. So here are some ways you can ease into the pattern-mixing trend without looking like you dressed yourself blindfolded and drunk (not like we haven’t all done that at one point or another):
Soft stripes with large floral patterns
- Neutral or soft stripes are easy to pair.
- Make sure your prints are in the same color scheme.
- Large floral patterns with small stripes generally work.
- The Briton stripe is like the vodka of pattern-mixing. It goes with (almost) everything.
- Geometric shapes play well with bold stripes (or tweed if you’re into texture).
- Don’t listen to me and do whatever the hell you want.
If all else fails, just try to look like an expensive homeless person.
Trend #3 – White Supremacy (the good kind)
Whoever said you can’t wear white after labor day is a fascist. Nobody likes a fascist.
Off the top of my head, I cannot think of anything more arbitrary and stupid than this rule. What if I said that from now on, you have to wear purple every Thursday before 5:00 p.m.? Oh okay. I’d punch myself.
In all seriousness, the key is to wear white with cold weather textures like corduroy or tweed.
So go on, defy fashion fascism. Just be careful not to spill on yourself.
Trend #4 – Let’s Get High and Waisted
If you’re anything like me, this trend is for you. I may be slender-framed, but my waist has the girth of a fat Christmas ham. So if you can empathize with my plights, say “fuck you” to genetics with a pair of high-waisted pants or jeans this fall. Everybody looks good in them. Everybody wins – even my keg-sized torso.
And here I am, waist and all:
Trend #5– Mr. Brightside
Whoever said bright colors are for warm seasons are probably the same people who discouraged white after labor day – assholes. Check the runway, or even the J.Crew catalogue and you’ll see. The cold weather ban on every color beside black, grey and tope has officially been lifted.
So do it.
Trend #6– Chambray
I pray at the altar of denim shirts. They nourish my soul, give me spiritual guidance and go with everything in my closet. Everything. If you don’t have one already, get one.
Trend #7 – Once you go black…
…nobody can see your pit stains, which often occur after scaling the 14th Street hill with caffeine blazing through your bloodstream. Throw some gold accessories on an all-black ensemble, and enjoy the ten pounds you will miraculously shed by this trend’s slimming effect.
Bottom line: you can never go wrong with black. Just ask Michael Kors, Vera Wang or Michael Jackson. The last one was a joke. Too soon?
Trend #8 – Lace-up boots
They’re takin’ over. Get ‘em while they’re hot. Now stomp up the hill.
Trend #9 – Tight, bro. Shorts for fall.
Wearing shorts with tights is a great way to expand your fall wardrobe while staying mildly warm. Black tights will always remain a classic choice, but unexpected patterns and textures command attention.