By Justin Hermstedt
Thousands of Americans find themselves between a rock and a hard place this election. Of course, millions of voters love Donald Trump, and millions of voters love Hillary Clinton. But, for the sake of argument, let’s stick to the left-leaning, Bernie-loving, millennial bubble that we call home.
Does the following describe your thoughts on the election? You remain undecided; you’re not quite ready to just flip a coin; and somehow you don’t take Gary Johnson seriously? Then maybe you should vote based on an under-appreciated aspect of our politicians. Don’t vote for who will do the best job. Vote for who’ll look the best doing it.
Let’s take a look at some options.
Signature look: suit and baseball cap
The Donald. Mr. Brexit. Drumpf. Cheeto Jesus. A man of many names, but next to no interesting outfits. Trump crawls his way up to a passing grade because he’s the only candidate to release a clothing line. That only get’s him so far, because the Donald J. Trump Signature Collection was cancelled by Macy’s pretty much the moment Trump announced his candidacy.
Trump manages to make a closet full of designer suits look boring, and his signature hat looks like a 16 year-old designed it to promote his lawn-mowing business.
Signature look: pantsuit
Certainly the most talked about politician in terms of fashion, Hillary Clinton has developed her personal, consistent style against great adversity. This feat of individuality earns Crooked Hillary a commendable “B.” Clinton ultimately falls short of a higher grade because some of her outfits are unattractive, but she doesn’t let the haters keep her down, which we could all learn from.
Signature look: suit & tie
Marco Rubio isn’t going to be on the ballot today, but he was worth mentioning regardless. Rubio tends to sport a traditional but polished outfit, which seems to fit his brand. Rubio breaks into the “A” range largely due to the boots pictured above. The heeled boots by Florsheim sparked controversy across the political landscape. Everyone knows that one of the greatest forms of flattery to a fashionisto is having right-wingers question his masculinity.
Below we see Rubio outshining Ted Cruz while wearing the same outfit.*
*To be fair, a potato could outshine Ted Cruz.
Signature look: diverse casual-wear
“Barack Hussein”? More like, “Barack Slimane”. Sure, that only works if you butcher the pronunciation of “Slimane,” but the point is, President Obama has style.
President Obama gets an “A+” because no one else comes close. Sometimes it seems like President Obama serves primarily as a neutral backdrop to the elegant Michelle Obama, but he deserves more credit than that.
President Obama taking his jacket off, rolling up his sleeves, and shooting hoops is the coolest thing the White House has seen since Bill Clinton on the saxophone.
A higher meaning can be drawn from President Obama’s clothing. Seen below is President Obama satirizing everyday apparel with a pungent normcore outfit.
Are you still undecided? What, Barack Obama wasn’t the answer you were looking for? Term limits seemed like such a good idea, huh? President Obama is probably looking forward to having some free time for shopping anyway. In all seriousness, we should listen to Ted Cruz and vote our conscience.
Dishonorable mention: Jeb Bush
Signature look: disappointment